Scenes from the Phoenix
by Epilogues
Summary: Set one year after the events of Skins Fire, with flashbacks to the intervening period. Naomi survived - just - and Effy is being released early. Along with Emily, they try to get their lives back on track.
1. Release

Naomi leaned back against the bonnet of the old, battered, three-door car that she had borrowed from Emily and looked out over the barren expanse of the car park. She had thought there'd be more cars here; there were only a handful across the several hundred spaces. She supposed the staff probably all commuted on the tube or on those damn Boris Bikes these days, and there mustn't be many people picking up friends or family today.

A glance at her phone told her there were still a few minutes to wait. Her mind drifted back to that unexpected temptation she'd found in the glove box when she was looking for her Garibaldis. Emily had expressly forbid her from smoking even though, as Naomi was always pointing out, it hadn't been lung cancer (sometimes it felt like Emily was her mother more than anything else), but the half empty packet of cigarettes she'd found were giving her a craving at the mere thought of lighting up. _I could have one before she gets out_, Naomi thought, _and she probably wouldn't rat me out to Em anyway._ She opened the passenger side door and, having made her excuses to herself, found the packet, pushed a cigarette between her lips and lit it. She took a long drag and sighed deeply. _Thank fuck for that._

"They'll give you cancer you know."

Naomi nearly leapt out of her skin at the sound of the voice. "Fuck! Shit, Eff, Jesus you scared the shit out of me!" Effy had always had a knack for sneaking up on people; Naomi turned around to see her friend, dressed in the same long black dress she'd worn in court the day she'd been convicted. leaning on the open door as if she'd never been away. Naomi tried frantically to conceal the evidence by stamping on her cigarette repeatedly, mashing it beyond all recognition.

Effy flashed Naomi a half grin as she moved to embrace her friend. "Don't let me catch you doing it again or I'll tell your girlfriend," Effy said into Naomi's ear as they hugged.

"I don't have a girlfriend. I have a fiancée, remember?"

Effy pulled out from their hug, held Naomi by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Either way, she won't be pleased with you." Naomi shifted her eyes guiltily to the ground as Effy pulled her back in and kissed her forehead and ruffled her hair. "I see we've gone blonde today. Do you mind if I...?" Effy let the question trail off as Naomi looked back up.

"Of course not." Naomi removed her wig with a practised motion and bowed her head forwards so that Effy could see her scalp.

Effy inspected the evidence of her friend's recovery closely. It was certainly getting longer, though the shade it had taken on was one you might expect to see in a woman thirty years Naomi's senior. "You must have a good couple of inches there by now. It looks nice."

"No it doesn't; it's patchy and all greyish and it grows sooo slowly!"

Effy guided Naomi's face back up to meet her own and looked her in the eyes. "Naoms, it looks fine. Really. Chemotherapy's a bitch but it's over now."

Naomi's mind wandered back to the day she'd been told she needed chemotherapy an she'd chastised Effy for her bedside manner. "You really have got better at saying the right thing, Eff. Thanks."

Effy let out a small, friendly laugh. "Come one, drive me home. I've had enough of this place."

Naomi walked around to the driver's door and stepped in; Effy buckled up on her side. "I never thought I'd see the day, you know," Naomi said as she put the keys in the ignition. The engine started, though it sounded reluctant to do so, and Naomi continued, "that Elizabeth Stonem would receive recognition and reward for her good behaviour. And from the British justice system no less. Let out after just a year."

Effy laughed again. "Well, Naomi, I did really need to get out," Naomi moved her hand to the gear stick and Effy placed hers on top, "so that I could watch TV with my best friend."

Naomi looked up and flashed Effy a grin, adding "when did you get so cheesy?"

The girls both laughed as Naomi drove them beyond the prison fence and onto the streets of London.

"Ems sends her apologies for not being here. It's her little brother's birthday so she had to go home for the day. Katie's driving her back this evening; she's declared that we need to have an emergency wedding planning meeting."

Effy chuckled at the thought. "I gather that you're not keen on the id - Naomi, indicate already." Effy interrupted herself as she noticed Naomi's driving error.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, still kind of new to this." Naomi sighed. "Let me put it this way, Eff: if you ever do discover fanny and meet that special lady, don't let a straight girl organize your wedding. We keep getting these very frantic texts from Katie; I don't think she knows how to deal with two brides. Look at this one." Naomi stopped the car at a red light, took out her phone, found the offending message and handed it to over. Naomi looked over Effy's shoulder as she began to read.

"Green light, Naoms."

"Oh shit sorry."

"Eyes on the road, I didn't get out of prison to die in a road accident." Effy looked back down at the phone and began to read out loud. "'Do lezzer brides wear dresses or is it against the dyke code?'"

Naomi sighed again. "Hard work, my soon-to-be sister-in-law is, Eff." Effy leaned back in her seat, pondering for a moment. Just as she was about to speak, Naomi said, "in case you were wondering we are wearing dresses. And, no, there is nothing in the 'dyke code' specifying what a good lesbian should wear on her special day."

"Got it. Sorry, no lesbian myself."

"And there was I thinking that prison might convert you."

"Hey!" Effy punched Naomi playfully on the arm. "Anyway, I-Jesus, look out!"

"Shit, shit, shit!" Naomi narrowly avoided clipping another car at as she negotiated a junction.

When the two women had caught their breath, Effy spoke up. "Naoms, did you actually pass your test?"

"Yeah, well, see I was going to mention about that. Technically, what this is, is, um, you giving me a driving lesson." Naomi looked at Effy sheepishly.

"So what was you driving here on your own?"

"Technically, um, illegal."

"And did Emily know you were going to drive to collect me today?" Effy fixed Naomi with a hard stare.

"She, uh, she didn't know that I definitely wasn't." Naomi offered lamely. Effy continued to stare. "I know, Eff, I know," Naomi sighed, "she barely lets me out of her sight these days. I had to spend two hours last night convincing her I could manage on my own for a day while she went home. It's like she thinks I'm going to end with cancer again if we spend a whole day apart."

Effy folded her arms across her chest. "Naomi, you can hardly blame her for that."

"You're right Eff, It's just that, well, there's a tube strike on, and the buses are so slow around this part of town and It's only a twenty minute drive anyway. Am I a terrible person?"

Effy's voice shed some of its seriousness; she deemed Naomi to have learned her lesson. "No, Naoms, but you do need to start telling your future wife the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. As long as we get home in one piece I'll let you off this once, though." Naomi began to turn her head to look at Effy, but she was quickly reprimanded, "eyes, _road_, Naomi!"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Naomi's head snapped back to where it was supposed to be.


	2. Keep Going (flashback)

**Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter and for all your kind words. Hopefully this next one won't disappoint.**

* * *

Effy sat back in her chair, looking over at the door and waiting. She didn't mind having to wait, this was the one room in the whole place that was well lit, and after a week in a cell she could spend hours in here. It was also noisy, and had a sense of life about it, not like the grim, oppressive mood in the rest of the prison. Here, families brought their loved ones gifts, gave them news from their homes and had the chance, however briefly, to spend some time together. Certainly there was a dampener on the mood: none of the families meeting here today would be going home complete but, overall, it was a place of happiness.

As Effy reflected on this she saw the two figures she was waiting for walk in via the visitor's entrance. Naomi looked weak, and yet more of her hair had fallen out since Effy had last seen her, but she walked confidently and smiled when she caught Effy's eye. Emily held her girlfriend's hand tightly, fixing her gaze on Naomi as they walked. She wore a deeply concerned expression and as they drew closer Effy was able to make out their conversation above all the others going on simultaneously.

"...sure, Naomi? It's no problem. Whatever you need, just say so."

Naomi stopped for a moment, about halfway to Effy, and locked eyes with Emily. "Ems, I can manage a couple of hours without hospital food and medication. I'm not totally fucked yet." A rush of misery come over Emily's face and her bottom lip started to wobble, Naomi quickly pulled her into a hug. "Oh, Ems, I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry."

"You will be, though, won't you?" Emily struggled to hold back tears as her chin rested on Naomi's shoulder. "Totally fucked."

"Hey, come on." Naomi released Emily from their hug and wiped the tears that were starting to fall from her cheeks away. "We're here to see Effy, we can worry about me later. Okay?" Emily nodded and managed to stop the flow of tears. "That's my girl." Naomi led Emily the rest of the way to Effy.

Effy rose as they approached her table and enveloped them both in an embrace. "You made it." She whispered.

"Of course we did," Naomi said as the three of them sat down. "How is it in here?"

"Any hot dykes?" Emily added, forcing her a grin onto her face.

Effy laughed. "It's... fine. They're not that bad in here, a bit scary, but... fine."

"Christ, if you're scared it must be bad!" Naomi joked.

"I never realised how much I'd miss _smoking, _though." Effy continued.

"Eff, you've been a smoker for ten years, what did you expect?" A hint of unpleasantness crept into Emily's voice. Naomi turned to glare at her, but Emily just shrugged. "What?" Just as Effy was about to try to change the topic, Emily's phone began to ring. "Oh, shit, it's the shipping company. I'm really sorry, Effy, I have to take this. My stuff is arriving back from New York today and there's been some problem at customs. I'll be back in a few minutes, yeah?"

Effy barely had time to say to tell Emily it wasn't a problem before she was up and walking to the door to find a quiet spot. Once she was out of earshot Effy leaned over the table and said to Naomi, "she's still pissed at me, isn't she?"

"No!" Naomi protested loudly. "No, no. I mean, well, maybe. But just a little bit, she's really worried about you! Honestly, she is."

"She doesn't need to be." Effy leaned back in her chair. "It's my own stupid fault that I'm in here."

A frown spread across Naomi's face. "How long do they reckon you'll get?"

Effy shrugged. "Ten to twelve years is normal for something like this apparently, but since I'm cooperating with the investigation I might get as little as seven years."

"_Seven years? _That's a fucking long time, Effy."

"Nevermind me, though, how long have you got?"

This time Naomi shrugged, and let out a long sigh. "Six months, if I'm lucky. I think... I think I'm at peace with it now, Effy, really, but Emily... I just worry about her." Effy took Naomi's hand and pulled her close.

"You've met my brother, haven't you?"

Confusion etched itself on Naomi's face, she was unsure where this change of topic was going. "Of course. He's drunk me under the table a couple times, I seem to remember."

"Did I ever tell you the story about him getting hit by a bus?"

"You've mentioned it."

"When he got hit by the bus, Naomi, they rushed him to the hospital and they thought he was going to die. But he didn't. Then, they said he might never wake up. But he did. Next, they said that there was a good chance he'd never walk unaided again. But he did. After that, it was that he wouldn't be able to learn to write again well enough to go back to college. He got three As and a B. They said his memories might never return, _but he remembers everything. _He believed he could get everything back, he worked hard, and he did. You see my point, Naoms?"

Naomi angrily snatched her hand away from Effy's. "What am I meant to do Eff? Deny that I have cancer? Pretend that none of this is happening? Go and find a holistic healer? How the fuck does this help me?

Effy sighed. "I'm not saying that Naoms, it's grim, I know. What I'm saying is it's not worth giving up; not yet. Just, keep going, okay? For Emily, if nothing else."

Naomi's chin shook and a tear welled up. She put her hand back in Effy's. "Okay. I'll try."

Effy smiled. "Good. I think our luck's about due a turn, don't you?"


	3. Freedom

**Once again, thank you to everyone who read and reviewed; I'm really glad people seem to be enjoying this.**

* * *

"Effy, you unrepentant criminal." Naomi said as Effy coughed loudly at the other end of the sofa.

"It's been a while," Effy spoke in a hoarse voice as she passed Naomi the spliff.

Naomi looked it over before putting it between her lips. "You're rolling hasn't become any worse," she commented in between puffs. Naomi offered it back to Effy, but she received only raised palm in reply as Effy tried to clear her throat. Naomi shrugged and continued to smoke.

"I'm glad you managed to keep the old place," Effy managed to say as she gazed around her old living room. Before she went to prison, she'd never even noticed how charming, how homely the place felt to her. Back then she had been so focused on success and wealth, she'd hardly noticed the beauty her life had encompassed before she'd entered the trading floor.

"Yeah, me too." Naomi flicked some ash into a waiting tray on a coffee table and this time, when offered, Effy took the spliff. "Emily saved us there; she's just so _employable_ since that internship. I'm proud of her."

Effy dragged on the spliff and this time she had no problems, enjoying the feeling. "And what about you?" She raised both eyebrows at Naomi. "Are you getting any sort of employment?"

"I will have you know, miss Stonem," Naomi began in a mock-serious tone, "that, tomorrow, I shall be participating in a comedy evening for which I shall be paid the princely sum of sixty pounds."

Naomi produced a flyer and handed it to Effy, who inspected it with interest. "Well, well. Good for you. First paid gig?"

"Second, actually. After tomorrow, my total career earnings will reach a nice, round one hundred pounds."

"Very good." Effy nodded as she spotted Naomi's name on the flyer before she looked back up. "So, you're basically still unemployed?" Effy joked.

Naomi snatched the flyer back and said with a cheeky grin, "It looks like somebody doesn't want a place on the guest list."

Effy held up her hands in surrender. "No, no, no, please. I'm looking forward to it."

After Effy spoke there was a noise from downstairs and they heard footsteps and laughter, as well as someone shouting. The footsteps grew closer and when the door swung open one woman fell to the floor and another narrowly avoided the same fate as they drunkenly tried to stagger in

"Effy! Effy, Effy, look who we found wandering the streets of Bristol!" Emily shouted, a half-empty bottle of wine sloshing in her hand as she regained her balance. Effy looked to the floor, and lying there, giggling, was her mother.

"Hello darling, you wouldn't mind giving me a hand here would you?" Anthea called out from the floor. Effy walked over and hauled her mum to her feet while Emily collapsed into the sofa next to Naomi. When Effy had got Anthea to her feet she collapsed onto her daughter and almost made them both fall.

"Hi mum, good to see you." Effy tightly hugged her mother, who also had a wine bottle in her hand that she had miraculously managed to not spill.

"You," Anthea paused to burp, "young lady, failed to mention that they'd already set a release date to you dear old mum! I was going do something special for you!"

"I'm sorry, I just didn't want to make a big deal of it, you know. I'm getting back from prison, not a long holiday. I was going to call you tonight, I promise." Effy hugged her mother again.

Their reunion was interrupted by another entrance, this one more controlled and angry. "All the fucking way here!" Katie fumed.

In unison Emily and Anthea cried "drink!" and took a swig from their bottles.

"Oh, what fucking word are you drinking on now?"

"Drink!" They called again, smiling at each other as they did so, and took another swig.

Katie stormed into the kitchen. "Ugh, I need a bloody drink after that journey. Naomi, will you hurry up and marry my sister already so I can pass full responsibility for her onto you. She's starting to get on my tits." Katie browsed through the contents of the fridge and eventually settled on a can of beer.

"She's just jealous," Emily slurred, leaning on Naomi's shoulders as she looked up at her, "because she doesn't get a go on _your_ tits like I do."

"Ugh, lesbians." Katie sat on a chair, as did Anthea, while Effy joined Naomi and Emily on the Sofa.

Effy handed the spliff back to Naomi. "What are you smoking, Naoms?" Emily stuck out her bottom lip after she asked Naomi the question.

Naomi leant down and kissed her before taking a puff. "Weed, sweetheart. No tobacco."

"Oh, well that's okay then." Emily perked up and sat herself upright. "Now, pass it over here."

Kaite sighed. "Well, I can see we're not going to get anything done tonight, I might as well join the fun." She finished her almost full beer in one go, and, with a grimace on her face, rose from her seat and snatched the wine bottle from her sister's hand. Emily looked as though she was about to protest but the look Katie shot at her made her think twice.

After four hours of heavy drinking and smoking Anthea had passed out on the sofa, Katie had been found asleep in Emily and Naomi's bed, and the three others had decided to call it a night. Effy lay in her bed looking out of the window. _No bars_, she thought. _I could go anywhere; do anything. _Indeed, the temptation was strong despite her weariness. She was still contemplating her freedom when there was a knock on her door and a voice she had used to hate hearing after she had retired for the night piped up in an almost childish tone.

"Effy, there's a mean old straight girl in my bed, and I missed you so much..." Naomi let the sentence trail off.

Effy flipped over so that she was facing the door and saw a wig-less Naomi standing there with a hopeful expression oh her face. Effy smiled widely at her and lifted up the duvet. "Come on then, miracle-woman. You can sleep beside this mean old straight girl instead." Naomi skipped across the room and gladly climbed in next to Effy, before pulling her close and giving her a horizontal hug. "As long as your fiancée doesn't mind, of course."

Just then Emily's head appeared through the doorway. "I missed you too, Effy..."

"Oh, fine then, you can get in too." Effy and Naomi wriggled further across the bed to make space for Emily, who was considerably drunker than her two bedmates and almost tripped twice on her short journey across Effy's bedroom.

When they had settled in Effy looked at her friends, both facing her, gazing at her with a sense of wonder in their eyes. _I'm lucky I still have these two, _she thought as she fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

"Ems, do you have a spare - Oh for fuck's sake, not you too Effy! What is this, gay pride?" Katie averted her eyes as she entered Effy's room to find three women in the bed spooning; Emily playing the the role of big spoon and Effy that of small with Naomi in the middle.

"Drink..." Emily said weakly as she was roused by sister's shouting.

"Very funny, Ems. Now do you have a spare toothbrush or do I have to go out and get one?"

"Blue one, in the bathroom cupboard." Emily sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"Thank you." Katie sighed and turned to leave.

"No wait!"

"What now?" Katie turned back.

Emily reached across Naomi and shook Effy until she gave a reluctant, "sleeping, Em."

"Is the blue toothbrush yours, Eff?" The sleepiness was still evident in Emily's voice.

"Yesh." Effy had buried her head into her pillow, muffling her voice.

"Okay then, green one." Just as Katie was about to turn to leave again, the apparently asleep Naomi raised her hand.

"Mine," she said, her voice dampened by the pillow she was sharing with Effy.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Katie muttered. Emily merely shrugged.

"Sorry, Katie. There's a shop a couple of doors down; they'll have one there." Emily rubbed her eyes as she spoke.

"Fine," Katie walked to the front door, muttering all the way.

When she was gone, Emily grabbed Naomi and tried to wake her. "Also sleeping, Em."

"Come on, we're getting up and having a shower." Emily was starting to feel more awake, and was pleasantly surprised that she was not _too_ hungover.

Before Naomi could respond, Effy propped herself up on her arms and fixed Emily with a deadly serious stare. "You're not including me in this, are you?"

"Wasn't planning on it, no."

"Good," Effy withdrew her arms and collapsed back into the bed with frightening speed, "because I'm sleeping."

Naomi let out an elongated "why?"

"Because my sister will murder us if we aren't awake and engaged by the time she calls this wedding planning meeting."

"Good point," Naomi conceded and flung the duvet off before heading for the bathroom.

Effy tried to go back to sleep, but she knew was fighting a losing battle when she heard playful cries of "hey, stop hogging the water," as well as some more suspicious noises coming from the shower. Instead, she walked slowly from her room into Emily and Naomi's and found Naomi's weed stash (not hard - she'd left it on top of her bedside table beside her alarm clock), and then sat down at the living room coffee table and proceeded to roll a spliff while her mother slept on the sofa. Just as she was about to seal the spliff, Anthea began to stir.

"What happened last night, darling?" Her voice was hoarse.

"You passed out on the sofa, mum. You're becoming more of a lightweight the older you get." Effy smiled at her and licked the paper.

"Shush, you should have seen me back in my day. I could've drunk any of you kids under the table." Anthea slowly sat up, though it looked like it took a great amount of effort for her to do so.

"Come on, mum. You can share a post-prison spliff with your daughter to cure your hangover." Effy got up and headed towards the balcony.

"Ooh, alright then."

When they were both stood on the balcony, Effy lit up and puffed twice before passing the spliff to her mother who had come out still wrapped in the blanket Effy had thrown on her the night before. "I'm not sure what to do now, you know." Effy said.

"Of course you aren't, you've not even been out a day yet. Give yourself some time to think."

"No, I mean really, mum, I just don't know." Effy allowed herself to show some weakness; something she rarely did, and had done so even less in the last year. Her mother grew curious.

"How do you mean, dear?"

"Well, you remember back when I was in school, I could do anything. I had no problem with exams or grades and, well, I was a big fish in a small pond, I suppose." Anthea nodded for her to go on. "And then when I started working, the world suddenly seemed_ so enormous. _I wasn't ready for it; I'd always sort of thought I was just good at things, but I kept getting these crappy admin jobs."

"Effy, you don't just walk into high-powered job first time around. Come on, don't be so harsh on yourself." Anthea placed a comforting hand on her daughter's back.

Effy sighed. "I know that now mum, but I always want to be at the top, I want to be the best at whatever I do; it's always been like that. That's why I was so desperate to get into trading."

"It was that bloody man if you ask me," Anthea mumbled.

"Mum!" Effy chastised her.

"Okay, sorry." Anthea held her hands up and continued to smoke the spliff.

"It's just, I wanted to be the best so badly that I was willing to put my neck seriously on the line to do that. And, whatever I do next, I'm not sure I can trust myself to not feel the same way about it." Effy let out a deep sigh and shrugged. "I got off fairly lightly this time, but I don't know what'll happen next."

Anthea wrapped an arm around her daughter's shoulder and pulled her close, passing her the joint in the process. "Effy, you truly are formidable, and I pity anybody that gets in your way." Anthea waved her hand to take the city of London, surrounding their balcony. "And I know you'll find something to be good at, to be amazing at, without the need for law-breaking or bad men."

Effy gave her mum a half-smile. "He was hot though, wasn't he?"

Anthe couldn't help but smile back.


	4. Funny Girl

**As usual, thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Naomi leaned back in the place on the sofa she had inhabited for the last three hours and sighed loudly, turning her gaze to her girlfriend sat next to her as she did so. "Ems, why are we paying a wedding planner? We still have to decide all this stuff ourselves."

"Uh, you're not paying me. I'm doing this out of the kindness of my heart, _remember?_" Katie stared daggers at her soon-to-be sister-in-law.

Emily smiled indulgently at Naomi and held her hand. "Play nice, babe. We're nearly done."

"No, we are not. There's still catering for a start. And venue." Katie interrupted again.

Emily now sighed as well. "Alright Katie, what have you got for venue?"

Suddenly, Katie's face lit up. "I think you're going to like it. It's got a great location, it's well within your budget, available on the date you want, _and _it's part of the history of you two as a couple." Katie produced a brochure from her bag and slapped it on the coffee table.

Emily and Naomi both brought their gaze to bear on what Katie was suggesting; neither of them sure what to make of it, let alone of what to say. Katie, meanwhile, tried to gauge their reactions, her grin slowly starting to fade as they did not immediately proclaim what a wonderful idea it was that she'd had. Before the silence could be broken, Effy wandered up behind the sofa, and put an arm each around Emily and Naomi, before reading out loud from the brochure. "'Roundview College: now taking wedding bookings'. This is _too _funny."

"Would it be weird?" Naomi asked.

Effy shrugged as she removed her arms and sat in one of the chairs facing the table, opposite Katie. "Kinda cute, kinda weird."

Emily snapped out of her silence and offered Naomi a wide grin. "Let's go for it. Why not? It'll be a nice nostalgia trip."

Naomi nodded. "Yeah, why not? Well done future sister." Katie was about to accept her thanks when Naomi noticed Effy rolling yet another spliff on the table. "Careful, Eff. You need to leave me some!"

Emily rested her hand on Naomi's shoulders and stage-whispered to Effy, "she needs it to calm her nerves before she goes on-stage. Last week," Emily paused for effect, "she threw up she was so scared."

"Em! You said you'd keep that secret!"

Effy gave Naomi the same look she might have used to convey sympathy to a child with a cold. "I'll leave you some medicine, funny girl."

"Well, anyway that's the venue done. Can we continue this tomorrow morning, Katie?"

"Naomi, I'd rather-"

"Great," Naomi interrupted, "Ems, we have to get going soon if you're driving me, I'm going to go and get ready. Effy, Katie, doors open at eight." Naomi leapt from the sofa and dashed off to her room, followed by Emily. Katie sighed and began to pack away her notes and brochures as Anthea emerged from Effy's room after a nap, bumping into Naomi and Emily in the corridor. "Oh, Anthea, do you want to come to see me do stand-up? I could use from friendly faces in the audience."

Anthea shrugged. "Sure."

"Great!" Naomi carried on into her and Emily's room.

"And you'll get your wedding invitation soon. We're having it at Roundview!" Emily added before following Naomi.

Anthea nodded thoughtfully and smiled as she completed her journey to the living room and taking the sofa that had just been vacated. "You alright mum? You look like you've got something on your mind."

"Well, since you mention it, I was just wondering... Do lesbians wear dresses at their weddings?"

"That's what _I _asked!" Katie shouted.

* * *

Emily looked on, sitting on the bed, as Naomi inspected herself in the mirror. She was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a battered old t-shirt she'd bought when the two of them had gone to see a band a few years ago, shortly after they'd moved to London. Naomi smoothed down her t-shirt before her eyes moved upwards and she cast them upon her head. She placed a hand on her scalp, feeling the strands that she thought to be a feeble excuse for hair. Before she could go to fetch one of her wigs, Emily was behind her, one hand holding Naomi's own at their side, the other taking charge of Naomi's scalp and massaging it, while her chin rested on Naomi's shoulder.

"You don't need it," Emily whispered into Naomi's ear, their eyes locking via the mirror.

"But, Emily..."

"You look beautiful just the way you are. I want to see you like this, and I want everyone else to as well." Emily gazed longingly into the mirror, but Naomi sighed.

"I don't want to be cancer-girl any more, Em. This, this mess just reminds me of it all. I look in the mirror and all I see is this woman who's personified by the fact that they're ill. I don't need that."

Emily noticed something on Naomi's t-shirt and moved her hand from scalp massage duty to brush it away, then she brought both hands together in front of Naomi's waist, the hand she had been holding now between her own two. She nodded gently at Naomi's point, her chin nudging Naomi's shoulder softly as she did so. "Okay, but do you know what I see when I look at you?"

"What?" Naomi allowed herself to smile.

Emily spoke with a delicate tone. "I see the girl that never gave up. I see the girl that kept going for me, when we thought there was no hope left. I see the girl I love and who loves me, the girl that I'm marrying. I see the most beautiful girl in the world."

"Oh, Ems, thank you..." Naomi trailed off as a solitary tear rolled down her cheek. As she wiped it away she said "I'll stop wearing them soon, I promise, just let me grow it for a little longer first."

Emily smiled, satisfied with the answer. "Okay then, but just a little while. Come on, we should get moving." Emily moved away from the mirror and picked up her car keys.

"Can I drive today? I think I need the practice before my test."

* * *

_Jesus, that was a lot of people for such a small space. _Naomi let out a breath it felt like she'd been holding in since her first joke as she walked off-stage, her twenty minutes complete. She passed the microphone to the compare as they passed each other and heard him say, "Naomi Campbell, everybody!" _That's loud. _As Naomi reached the edge of the stage she couldn't resist turning her head; surely her friends alone couldn't be making that much noise. When she saw that many of the tables were giving her a standing ovation, she was delighted but shocked. She hadn't thought it had gone _too _badly, but she'd also felt that her nerves had got in the way of her delivery on a few occasions and worried that it was far from the best performance she'd given.

Naomi wiped the sweat from her brow and jogged into one the small venue's backstage lounge before collapsing into a vacant armchair, one of her fellow performers was sat next to her, a coffee table and a small fridge between them

"Sounds like you did pretty well." Naomi's colleague was a middle-aged man of medium height, with a large beer belly and an unruly beard. He was something of a veteran of the scene, and everybody seemed to have performed with him at one time or another. His act, Naomi had always thought, didn't contain much in the way of genuinely funny material, though of course she'd never mentioned that fact.

"I didn't think it went that well, Phil. I'm sure I fluffed a couple of the lines." Naomi reached into the fridge and removed a bottle of water, drinking gratefully. Her throat was always dry after she'd performed.

Phil shrugged and spoke in his Mancunian accent. "Don't be so harsh on yourself; it sounded like there was a riot going on from here. That material about organizing a lesbian wedding with your sister-in-law was genius."

Naomi smiled, thankful for the praise. "Thank you, that was all new. The woman herself was out there tonight though, so I'm probably in for a tongue-lashing later."

Naomi drank the rest of the bottle of water as Phil talked. "I imagine that'll give you even more material. Anyway, I'm on in five, I'll catch up with you later."

After Phil had left, Naomi began to replay her set in her head and as she did so she became more and more pleased with it. _It was pretty good, wasn't it? _By the time the show was finished and she left the backstage area to meet everyone out in the main room, she was grinning ear-to-ear. Emily practically jumped on her as she emerged, hugging her tightly before relinquishing her and then pulling their lips together with a level of passion that was unexpected, though certainly not unwelcome. She reciprocated, forcing their mouths together, but it was Emily who took charge, pushing her back against a wall, before Katie's cough reminded them of their surrounding and Emily pulled back. "Not bad," the older Fitch twin said.

"So, uh, how angry with me are you?" Naomi asked meekly, a worried expression on her face.

"Well, I think it was pretty fucking libelous, what you said about me. But... it was _hysterical, _so I can't stay too angry."

Naomi was shocked by Katie's reaction, she'd been half expecting a slap on the face. "Was it really _that_ good?"

Emily met Naomi's eyes and cupped her head in both her hands before kissing her lightly. "It was _amazing._"

"Come on Ems," Naomi said bashfully, "you've heard all those jokes a hundred times. You can't still be finding them funny."

"There was just something about it when you were on-stage. Face it; you're one hell of a comic."

Naomi's grin was restored as she joined her friends at their table, and was only widened further when several people came up to her to tell her how much they had enjoyed her set, though Katie did get annoyed when Naomi started telling those people that she couldn't have done it without Katie providing her with the real-life comedy for her material. Naomi's fans would then usually burst into laughter, before saying something along the lines of: "so you're the wedding planner! Did you really say that?" Katie was usually forced to admit that she had, and began to realise Naomi's set hadn't been that libellous after all.

By the time it was Naomi's turn to get a round of drinks (she had been given drink tokens as part of her payment - cheapest round she'd ever bought in Shoreditch) the place had begun to empty out as people moved their parties elsewhere, meaning she could get to the bar without being stopped by admirers. As the barman busied himself pouring the drinks, a young-ish, tall man with short black hair sidled up to her. The dark suit he wore looked expensive, and was certainly not in step with what most people had worn to the show. He produced a credit card from his wallet. "I'd like to buy those for you."

"No, no really it's fine. I have tokens. Thank you, though." Naomi was trying to brush him off, but he was undeterred .

"Really, I insist. And I think you should call me sometime."

This caught Naomi's attention and she turned to look at him, arching an eyebrow as she did so. "Erm, I'm pretty sure I mentioned when I was performing that I'm gay. And engaged."

Again, though, he was undeterred and merely laughed. "I don't mean like that. Here," He produced a card and offered it to Naomi. "My name's Will. I run an agency."

Naomi inspected the card, and then gave the man before her a stare. She was not quite sure what to say, so he stepped in. "We should meet soon; I think I have some free time next week. Anyway, it was a pleasure to meet you, but I have to go now."

Naomi shook the hand he had offered and managed to speak. "Already?"

"Well, I was only hanging around so I could have a quick chat with you." Will shrugged and paid the barman, before turning to leave and calling over his shoulder, "see you next week, miss Campbell."

Emily left the toilets just in time to see a strange man saying goodbye to Naomi and paying for her drinks. She met Naomi at the bar to help her carry them. "He must have liked your set a lot; free drinks all round." Emily picked up a couple of glasses as she spoke, but Naomi was slow to respond, still gazing after him. "Naomi, everything alright?"

Naomi snapped out of her daze. "I think I might have an agent."


	5. Chemo Blues (flashback)

**Thanks again to everyone who's been reading so far. This one's another flashback.**

* * *

_My fucking gut. _Naomi turned her attention away from the meal she had been eating from the fold-away table that was part of her hospital bed, placed both hands on her stomach and let out an agonized groan. Emily looked up from the sandwich she was eating, sat next to Naomi's bed. "Are you okay?"

"Fine, just chemo blues." Chemo blues was a term Naomi had coined to describe the myriad of side-effects the treatment she was continuing with in the hope of a bit more time was having on her. She recalled the doctor's explanation of the mechanics of chemotherapy when she'd been preparing for her first dose, back when they'd told her she'd come out the other end. He'd explained to her that because cancerous growths consisted of cells that multiplied quickly, the aim of chemotherapy was to use drugs which attack rapidly multiplying cells to harm the cancer. The problem and reason for all the side effects, she'd been told, was that many cells in the human body share the trait of speedy growth with cancer cells, and therefore ended up damaged as well. Hair cells, nails, stomach lining, parts of your teeth and gums, the doctor had even said they'd have to check her heart periodically to make sure it hadn't been damaged too much. She remembered feeling so overwhelmed at the implications it could have on her present and future health, just how serious her situation had become. _Well I can stop worrying about my future health at least. _

Naomi's stomach allowed her a moment's respite and she smiled at Emily, trying to reassure her. "I'm fine, really. Comes with the territory." Naomi failed to mention that the territory she was in was hardly pleasant, but Emily tried to return her smile and nodded bravely, then returned her attention to her sandwich. Naomi picked up an apple from her table and took a first bite. She was glad that her stomach was still able to take fruit without much trouble (she'd heard fruit was quite a common thing for chemotherapy patients to have trouble digesting) as when she ate something she thought to be as healthy as an apple, it made her feel a little healthier too, if only for a moment. On this occasion, however, she found scant comfort. Looking at her bite-mark, she noticed that the edges appeared to have been soaked in blood. Before she could do anything about it, Emily had noticed her problem.

"Oh God, your gums again. I'll get the doctor."

"No, Emily, it's not bad, it's just a normal side effect, it's alright."

Emily was already halfway to the door when she turned to Naomi. "No, it fucking isn't alright Naomi. Every time you try to eat your mouth bleeds and your stomach groans, someone should do something about it. They need to fucking do_ something_, you're in serious pain here!"

"I'm not sure there's that much to be done, chemo just sort of fucks with you like this." Naomi shrugged. "Comes with the territory."

"Will you stop fucking saying that?" Emily felt her anger welling up. "You being in pain is not the territory I want to be in! I'm going to get something done whether you like it or not."

Naomi leapt from her bed, feeling her muscles ache as she did so and intercepted Emily before she could reach the door. "You can't cure me, Em, this is just the way things are now," Naomi's voice was gentle in an attempt to soothe Emily, even though her words were brutal.

"So we're giving up? Just sitting here and waiting for you to _die?_" Emily choked on her last word, and realising what she had said she broke out into sobs. Naomi pulled her close, resting Emily's head on her shoulder.

"I didn't say that. We've just got to accept that we're not doctors and do our best with the things we can control." Naomi whispered into her love's ear.

Emily brought her sobbing under control and pushed herself backwards to look at Naomi. "Like what sort of things?"

"Well," Naomi began as one of her hands idly played with Emily's hair, "I think I could use a break from this place and I haven't got anymore appointments today, so why don't you take me home? Just for tonight, and we'll order in pizza, watch some movies, and for one night we won't mention it. It'll be like old times, okay?"

Emily nodded, her sobbing under control as she warmed to the idea. "Okay." They drove home in the car Emily had recently bought; a battered three-door that had cost her less than a thousand pounds. Naomi had insisted it wasn't necessary but Emily, who had had a license for the last couple of years but never owned a car, had told Naomi that she wasn't going to be relying on anybody but herself to get to the hospital if there was an emergency. Naomi had decided it was probably easier not to mention how unreliable the price suggested the car was.

When Naomi walked into the flat she had shared with Effy, she felt finally home. The familiar smells, the balcony, even the way the toilet sounded like it was having a heart attack when flushed, they were the hallmarks of her life before she fell ill. And yet, she could not entirely embrace the evening as an enjoyable occasion. _This might be the last time I ever sleep somewhere that isn't a hospital, _she thought, but kept her word and didn't mention her disease for the evening, smiling and laughing with the girl that she loved.

They made love that evening. For weeks all that they had achieved was awkward fumbles when they could get a little privacy in Naomi's hospital room, but this was like it ought to be, like, as Naomi had promised, old times. Naomi was full of energy and passion; she didn't want to waste a single second. But, when Emily looked upon her, felt her skin, she could see the life draining out of Naomi. They could pretend for an evening, but ultimately Naomi was dying. The woman who had held her hand through the cat flap, who had given her confidence in her sexuality, who had looked after her when she'd rowed with her mother, was soon to be gone. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't see past that.

* * *

When Naomi eventually fell asleep, Emily was holding her tight. She drifted off, content with their evening, though she could never be entirely satisfied with the way things were going these days. She dreamed that night; dreamed that she died. She remembered gazing into Emily's eyes, both of them with tears welling up, her eyes slowly closing and then all sensation slipping away. But a second later, she was concious again, still dreaming. She watched as the doctor recorded her time of death and as Emily wept was a ghost, she realised, she could not influence events, merely observe. So she did what came naturally; she watched over Emily. She watched as Emily grieved, the nights where she cried herself to sleep, the nights where she drank, just to try to make things feel a little different. The days when she broke down at work with no apparent provocation, the pictures of the two of them she stared at, longing, day in, day out. Naomi could place her arms around her and say all the comforting words she could think of, but Emily could not feel or hear her. It was too much for Naomi to take, but then, one day, Emily went from dawn to dusk without a single tear. Naomi's ghost shed one herself, mostly she was pleased for Emily who had taken a major step to recovery, but she also knew that Emily was now on the road to moving on and was not sure how to feel about that. _Be happy for her, _she thought, but she struggled to embrace the idea entirely.

Emily did, after a while, start to see someone else. She was a nice girl, and treated Emily well, but Naomi couldn't quite reconcile with it and every time she saw them together, she couldn't help but burn with jealousy. One night, Emily was about to go out to meet this new woman, when suddenly she stopped at the door, noticing a picture of her with Naomi resting upon a shelf. It was from the summer after college when they'd gone travelling together; they were sat at a small bar, each with a brightly coloured cocktail in hand, the waves lapping against the sand as part of a picturesque beach in the background. They looked the very definition of happiness. At the sight of it, Emily picked it up and held it to her chest, letting a tear roll down her cheek. "I still miss you," she said. "And I always will, just like I'll always love you. But we have to keep going; _I _have to keep going. There's a part of me that wants to mourn you forever, never look at another woman and wear only black for the rest of my life. In fact, _most_ of me wants to do that. But I have to at least try to live the rest of my life with some happiness. I'll don't think I'll ever be as happy as I would've been if you were here, but I'll try. I hope you don't mind." Emily wiped the tear from her cheek and added, "goodbye." With that, she placed the photo frame face-down on the shelf and turned to walk out the door. Naomi's ghost, now unsure whether Emily had been able to see her or not, cried as she tried to force a smile on her face.

"Goodbye," she whispered, as she faded from another existence, content.

* * *

Naomi awoke from her dream, shaken. _I'm dead?_ She took a few moments as she woke up to confirm that she was, indeed, alive. Emily was gone, but when Naomi heard the shower start it was easy for her to work out where she had gone. Naomi lay in her bed, enjoying the comfort of, for once, being in her own home. When she did get out of bed to dress, everything ached. Her stomach was still flaring up, she noticed a significant amount of her little remaining hair on the pillow, and any movement for her muscles left her gasping for air.

_This is ridiculous. _Naomi wondered what she was even doing the chemotherapy for, it might give her a couple more months but the pain and suffering she was enduring for that time hardly seemed worth it. _Maybe it isn't._ In the wake of her dream, she reasoned that Emily was going to have to live without her sooner or later, that perhaps it would be better to leave her with more good memories, not ones of a barely mobile Naomi being fed through a tube and desperately clinging to life for a another second. _I'm suffering and so is she. Perhaps it's better if we were both... both put out of our misery sooner rather than later. _When Naomi left their bedroom she found breakfast for two already served on the coffee table. _I have to tell her. I have to tell that her there's no more treatment; I'm going to let nature take it's course._

Emily emerged from the kitchen in a t-shirt and boxer shorts, a mug of coffee in each hand. She forced a faint smile upon her face as she handed Naomi one of the mugs. "Did you sleep well?"

Naomi did manage to turn her lips upwards. "Yeah, really well. Thanks for bringing me here." Naomi kissed the woman she knew she would soon lose.

"No problem." Emily pulled back and Naomi could see it in her eyes; she could see that she'd been crying. Her eyes were red all over, puffed up, and there were huge bags beneath, leaving Naomi to wonder if she'd slept at all, if perhaps all the time Emily had been crying in her dream she'd been crying in reality as well.

_She loves me. And I love her. This can't end now, we're still so young... _Then Effy's words, from that first visit to her in prison, came back to Naomi. _It's not worth giving up; not yet. Just, keep going, okay? For Emily, if nothing else. _Suddenly, Naomi's mind was changed. She couldn't leave Emily until the last moment possible, she'd keep going for the love of her life. _If all this Chemo buys me another moment with Emily, then it's worth it._

When they had finished breakfast, making small talk over their eggs, Emily rose and picked up her car keys. "I should take you back now. You've got that appointment in a couple of hours."

Naomi nodded and prepared to leave. When the two of them were stood before the door, Naomi took her girlfriend's hand. "I won't leave you without a fight, Em. I'm going to keep going for you, maybe something will change." Naomi gazed into the eyes she had fallen in love with aged twelve, the eyes that she one day, be it tomorrow or in fifty years, hoped would gaze upon her as she left this world, and she knew that Emily understood.

Emily was without a hint of a tear, she looked in control for the first time in days. "I know. I'll always love you, whatever happens."

Naomi felt a pang in her heart, wasn't that what she'd said in her dream last night? Naomi kissed Emily, cupping her head and holding it close to her own. "I'll always love you too."

Together, they walked through the door and into another morning.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'm going to continue with the format of telling a bit of the story from a year on, and then dipping back every two or three chapters to look at how they got there. I've actually written the last chapter already, but you'll have to wait a while for that ;) In the meantime, I have a nod to BBC Radio 4 topical comedy shows coming up, so stick around for that!**


	6. The Road

**As ever, thank you all for reading, and thank you even more for reviewing. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Well?" Effy was up from her seat and at Naomi's side the second that she walked through the door.

"What?" Naomi asked, sounding irritable. Effy assumed the worst, trailing Naomi as she stalked into the kitchen.

"You mean you didn't..."

Naomi broke her act and grinned. "I passed!" Both cheered and raised their arms before hugging to celebrate.

"I got this," Effy leapt for the fridge and opened it to reveal a bottle of champagne taking pride of place, "I thought we should celebrate you becoming road-legal."

"What did I ever do without you?" Effy returned Naomi's smile and fetched two glasses.

"Oh, you left your phone here; your agent called," Effy said as she uncorked the champagne.

"Oh, good. Has he got me another gig?" Lately Naomi had found herself working three or four nights a week around London, as her agent put it, "getting the name 'Naomi Campbell - not her, the comedian' out there." There was no doubt that Naomi found it exhausting, but it was a labour of love, and she knew it was necessary if she was ever to make real living from doing what she loved. As it stood, she would only get one or two paid gigs a week and they gave her nothing that could really be called a living. Still, Naomi found her confidence growing with every night she performed, and not just on-stage. She had finally deemed her hair long enough to be shown in public (it now dangled around her ears), so she had dyed it brown to get rid of the grey parts and had started, to Emily's delight, displaying it outdoors. She would still wear a wig on a night out or to a gig, but Emily, and now Effy too, were gently helping to push her confidence upwards.

Effy poured the champagne and handed a glass to Naomi. "He didn't mention one, just asked if you'd passed your test and said that you should call him back as soon as you get home."

"Well here's to all three of us now being able to drive then," Naomi toasted and Effy clinked their glasses together, both of them draining them straight away. "Pour me another one; I'll call him back." Effy nodded. "Oh, but save some for Emily; she'll be home soon." Naomi found her phone on the coffee table and dialled Will's number.

"Naomi! How did it go?" Naomi observed that he seemed very keen to know.

"Very well, thank you. I passed."

"Excellent, that's fantastic news!"

Naomi wandered back into the kitchen and took the glass Effy offered, sipping on it while she spoke. "You're pleased."

"Well, it'll save some money on train tickets. They're so bloody expensive these days."

"Train tickets, what are you talking about?" Effy pushed her head forwards and raised her shoulders, showing her curiosity to Naomi, who merely shrugged by way of reply.

"Ah, yes, there's a couple of things I should fill you in on."

"Go on."

"You remember that gig we recorded in Camden a couple of weeks ago?"

"That one where we got really wasted and thought we'd dropped the camera in the canal until it turned up in your bag?"

"That's the one. Well, I sent it out to some promoters like we talked about, and a schedule started to fall into place, you'll be working every night for the next week and a half."

"That's good, if a little tiring."

"Yeah," Will began, " but that's not all. You see, they aren't all in London." Naomi paused, unsure if she was correct in her assumptions, he added, "check your inbox; I've just sent you a list of your gigs and dates."

"You mean," Naomi began cautiously, "like a tour?" Naomi mouthed _get my laptop _to Effy, who scampered off to Naomi's room.

"Of sorts. It's only for ten nights and there's just a couple of headline slots, but yeah if you like, a tour. Are you free next week?"

_"Next week?"_

"I know it's soon, but they all just fell into place so quickly. Plus, they all pay. Can I confirm you in principal at least?"

Effy returned with the laptop to see Naomi nodding dumbly on her end of the line , before remembering that Will couldn't see her. "Let me have a look and talk to Emily first, but... yes."

"Great, we'll speak soon. Bye."

"Bye..."

"What's this about a tour?" Effy was again excited, placing the laptop on the kitchen worktop and then attaching herself to Naomi's side.

Naomi's expression became confused as what she had just been told sunk in. "Yeah, ten nights around the country."

"Another toast is in order then," Effy declared, raising her glass, "to my hilarious friend Naomi Campbell, the comedian." They clinked glasses again and drank, though Naomi was still looking a little dazed.

"Go to my email, he said he sent me a schedule."

When Emily arrived home from work, she was surprised that Effy and Naomi were not slouched on the sofa with a spliff as she usually found them, but were instead leaning against the kitchen worktop, studying something on Naomi's laptop very intently.

"So how about the Newcastle to Exeter trip?" Naomi was asking.

"I don't think he's planned that bit too well... Yeah, three hundred and sixty seven miles." Naomi whistled at Effy's reply.

"At least I have Bristol the next night, I can go and stay at with Mum and Kieran."

The two of them were so engrossed in whatever they were doing that Emily was able to creep up behind them and suddenly wrap her arms around Naomi's waist, making her jump. "Hey, what are you two up to?

"Ems, I didn't hear you come in! How was your day?"

Emily wrapped herself more tightly around Naomi and peered over her shoulder at the screen, seeing that the two of them had created what looked like a zig-zag pattern over the UK on some internet map. "Good thank you. And how was yours? Should I be adding you to my insurance policy?"

Naomi beamed. "Indeed you should. I think we have some champagne left, if you'd like to join us in celebrating."

Effy plucked a third glass from the cupboard and split what was left in the bottle between the three of them. "Actually, it's a double celebration. Do you want to tell her Naomi?" Effy held her glass ready to meet the other two, as Naomi obliged.

"Will," Naomi began, turning to face Emily, "has arranged a series of shows on consecutive nights in different towns. I believe it's commonly referred to as a _tour._"

Emily frowned briefly, surprised but unsure, before she managed a smile. "That's great news!" They toasted again. "When is it?"

"Next week." Naomi stated meekly.

"_Next week?_ But... But.. So soon..." Emily mumbled.

"I know, I know, but I really need to do this. I just have to take all the chances that come my way."

Emily smiled sadly. "I know... But I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Emily, but I'll be back before you know it." Emily nodded reluctantly. Naomi put her fingers under Emily's chin and raised it, allowing their lips to meet. "Okay, so I need to borrow the car, and can you show me how to work the sat nav please? I'm lost just looking at the road atlas."

* * *

Emily pulled Naomi closer to her, her hand hand coming up against Naomi's naked, warm stomach as she did so. _Warm, alive. _Naomi had put her music collection on shuffle, and Emily recognized clearly the song that came through the speakers.

_My ghost is always hungry,_

_my soul is over... _

Of course! It was Blues Hour by Mogwai. Emily remembered that the album had come out when Naomi was desperately ill, but she had convinced Emily to sneak her out of the hospital to go and see them play. She'd swung it when she'd reminded Emily that it was at the Festival Hall, so it would be all seated and she wouldn't have to stand. Emily had gone onto the internet to book tickets only to find it sold out but she hadn't let on, she had paid twice face value on a re-sale website, she just wanted to see Naomi happy. Emily knew why she remembered this song so well, Naomi had broken down in tears when they played it, and as the chorus began it was east to see why it would have such an effect on a terminally ill woman.

_Train lines_

_Going nowhere_

_No destination found..._

Emily had intended to check Naomi was alright, but before she knew it there was a tear in her own eye. Naomi seemed to sense something was wrong and flipped over to face Emily. "Hey, what's wrong?" She asked softly.

"Nothing... I was just thinking about that time we saw them do this one live. They said you were... They were saying you so near the end."

Naomi surprised Emily when a smile crept across her face. "I know, but I'm still here. We've come a long way since that night, haven't we?"

Emily nodded and joined Naomi in her smile, before pulling her closer still, their warm bodies pressed against each other. "I was thinking," Emily whispered, "that I've got a lot of holiday days left at work. I could come with you on tour, be your chauffeur. It'd be fun."

Naomi pulled back slightly so she could look Emily in the eyes. "I'll be fine, Em."

"I know! Of course you will, I just thought it might be nice-" Emily protested, but Naomi interrupted her.

"And I'm sure it would be, but I'm a grown woman and I'm _healthy. _I know this is only be ten nights but if I'm going to make a proper career out of this then I'm going to have to get used to spending longer stretches away from home and you're going to have to get used to letting me. Okay?" Naomi's voice was soft but firm; Emily averted her gaze.

"You're right... I just worry about you. Maybe it's still sinking in how lucky we've been, I don't want to leave your side."

"I really do appreciate that, but I want to feel like I'm better, and that means both us behaving like I am. Besides, I think you should save that holiday; I had an idea about our honeymoon."

Emily met Naomi's eyes again, curious. "Oh?"

"Do you remember that summer after college when we went travelling?" Emily nodded. "And how when we got back we said we'd go travelling again soon, but things kept getting in the way and we never really did?"

Emily smiled sadly, "Yes."

"I thought, rather than spend two weeks at some resort, why don't we go inter-railing for three weeks or a month even? You know, travel on the trains of Europe. The tickets aren't that much, we could see so many places, freedom to roam..." Naomi let her sentence trail off.

"It sounds like a plan to me." As Emily pulled Naomi's lips to meet her own, the chorus began again. _Maybe we don't know our destination yet, but we'll find it together, _Emily thought.

* * *

Effy could vaguely hear the music coming from Emily and Naomi's room as she began to drift off to sleep, the words sounded like a low mumble, though she was sure she kept hearing the words 'nowhere' and 'alone'. _Just what I need, _she thought. She had found the time since her release to be increasingly difficult. She always presented herself in a sunny demeanour (almost uncharacteristically so) to her two flatmates, but deep down she knew she was just papering over the cracks.

She'd been applying for jobs, of course, but that year long gap in her CV seemed to be hampering her chances. Even if she did get an interview, they were sure to ask her why she had left her last job. _Well, myself and my boss were involved in insider trading and the FSA found out. By the way, that's why I haven't had a job for the last year; I've been locked up._

But even that wasn't the concern that was at the forefront of her mind; Effy was still trying to come to terms with what she'd done before her imprisonment. She knew she had a desire to be the best at everything, she knew she'd never been the most law-abiding citizen, but what she'd done now seemed so incredibly stupid to her. Jake had asked her to get insider information, and just like that she had done. It was so obvious, eleven million pounds appearing virtually out of nowhere, that of course someone at the FSA was going to catch on. But, because he'd asked her to, she'd done it. _I don't act like that around men, I'm in control, they come to me. It hadn't been the other way round since... Since..._ Effy let the thought trail off, unwilling to let her mind go there as she felt an involuntary shiver run down her spine.

_At least I still have those two, _she reflected. Emily and Naomi being around her had certainly helped her to feel better since her release, to help her feel like, in a sense, things were back to normal. _They won't be normal again though, _she thought, _at least not until I have some answers._

* * *

**So, as you might have guessed, I was listening to Blues Hour by Mogwai while writing this. It's a fantastic track and it occurred to me how useful the lyrics would be in this chapter. (I'd already decided Naomi would suggest they go inter-railing; there's train tracks and gloom. How perfect is that?) I was actually at that gig at the Festival Hall too.**

**Anyway, since I've neglected to do this so far, a quick note to say that I don't own Skins. Or the lyrics to Blues Hour for that matter.**


	7. Affairs in Order (flashback)

**Thank you very much for reading and reviewing everyone. It makes me smile. Two chapters in two days for you.**

* * *

"Elizabeth, he's clearly going to try to portray you as the ringleader here."

Effy avoided looking at the young, blond man before her, feigning disinterest as she instead looked that bars on the small room's solitary window. She wondered what his experience in cases such as hers were, but decided it hardly mattered: she was guilty and she'd already said as much. "I told you," she said, still looking out of the window, "to call me Effy."

Her barrister, who was called Nicholas and not, as he'd told her, Nick or Nicky or any other abbreviation, spoke with the accent of the privileged, yet he still managed to sound out of his depth. _I wonder if daddy bought him this job..._ "Alright, Effy. But the point stands: you're both pleading guilty and you're both pointing to the other as the ringleader. It's going to go one of two ways."

Effy still refused to meet his eyes, now becoming genuinely disinterested as she knew where this conversation was going. "Which are...?" She asked, deciding to toy with him as she already knew the answer. Nicholas sighed.

"You're both pleading guilty and the evidence is there, the jury's verdict is a foregone conclusion. What matters is the judge when the sentencing comes round. If Jake makes whoever's holding the gavel believe that all this was your idea and that you pushed him into it, then you'll get fifteen years and he'll come out with less than ten, if you can convince the judge that it was the other way around then the sentences will switch. Now, I think you have the upper hand here since he was actually your boss, and since you came forward forward first, but I need to know if there's anything else, any other possibilities I need to prepare for."

That caught Effy's attention. _Anything else? _Nobody was investigating her first instance of insider trading; she suspected Victoria, and therefore the FSA, knew about it (she remembered the look Victoria had given her when she had asked Effy how she'd known to buy rather than sell when that comapny was crashing), but there was no evidence. Despite that, Effy's mind started to play the scenes that day over in her head. _There's no way they can prove anything, is there? _She didn't think so, but if anyone did stumble across something it would put her in serious trouble. Jake could honestly claim he'd known nothing about it at the time, and that would surely give him the upper hand. But then, if, deep down Effy knew the truth was that she'd started this whole thing, shouldn't she just take the bigger rap? Shouldn't she feel bad for dropping him in it? It was, after all, her that had obtained the information.

But no, she thought, she'd told him what she'd done and he asked her to do it again. If he hadn't asked, she never would've gone to Dom. _At least I think that's right..._

"Effy! Is there anything?" Effy was jolted from her thoughts and she put her moral quandaries to the side, for now at least.

"Nothing at all." She smiled convincingly, reflecting that lying had always been a strong suit of hers. She then rose from her seat, her grey, uncomfortable uniform making her feel itchy as she did so. _I can't wait to get to court so I can wear some normal fucking clothes._

"If that's all, then I think visiting hours are starting." She offered Nicholas her hand, which he accepted, and she left the room, eager for her weekly meeting with Emily and Naomi. It was all she could do to keep herself together when she saw Naomi's frailty these days, but she knew that Naomi drew strength from their meetings as much as she did, so she always stayed strong. Besides, whatever she felt from seeing her friend once a week, at a time when Naomi tried her best to be upbeat, Emily must be feeling much worse. She couldn't imagine what it was like, being there all the time as her girlfriend's life slowly slipped away.

When she entered the visiting room and saw only Emily at the table she instantly assumed the worst, but only for a moment. When she noticed that Emily was idly playing with her phone, she knew that nothing serious could've happened.

"Hey Eff," Emily said as she looked up from her phone to see Effy approaching, "Naomi says she's sorry she couldn't make it this week. She had to go and see a solicitor and this was the only appointment she could get."

Effy remained standing and Emily realised she was waiting for a hug, and so obliged. "A solicitor?" Effy asked once they had sat down.

Emily sighed loudly. "Don't play fucking dumb, Effy. She's getting her..." Emily stopped herself, preparing to finish the sentence, "her affairs in order. She's sorting out her will."

Effy mentally cursed herself for being so stupid. "Of course, I'm sorry Em. How is she?"

"She's fucking dying Effy, what do you think?" Emily snapped. She was clearly angry, but Effy could tell from the look on her face that she was also only a moment away from tears. She reached across the table to touch Emily's hand, but Emily snatched it away.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. Look, I know you're angry at me and you have every right to be, but please, I could do with a little help here."

Emily fixed Effy with a hard stare "Don't you talk to me about needing some fucking help, Effy Stonem. It's your own stupid fault you're in here, what has Naomi done to deserve what's happening to her?"

Effy sighed. "You're right, you're absolutely right. I'm not telling you, I'm _asking _you to forgive me. You know I don't do reaching out very well, but I need this, Em." Effy paused, noticing that Emily's stare was softening. "I told her she should tell you, but she's just so stubborn. She's always had that fire in her, hasn't she?"

Emily had to look away from Effy, unsure if she should forgive her or not, the tears starting to flow. "I remember when we were drunk in Brixton after we'd been to the Academy one night. I told her what night bus we needed to get, but she was so insistent there was a shortcut if we took another route back to Shoreditch." Emily began to smile at the story. "Four buses later, we ended up in Epsom, about five miles south of the nearest tube station at half six on a Sunday morning." Emily laughed, her gaze still averted. "We got a cab to Morden, then caught the northbound Northern Line train, and worked out that we should change at Bank. I remember we both fell asleep, exhausted, and she woke up the station before we needed to switch to the Central Line, stood, shook me awake and, still drunk, shouted 'I told you Em! A shortcut!' I think she'd genuinely forgotten that she'd almost taken us into the countryside. Either that or she was just so stubborn she believed it _was _a shortcut!" Effy laughed and Emily joined in, meeting Effy's eyes. "I'm sorry, Eff," she said between tears, "we need to stick together, don't we?"

Effy rose from her seat and came round the table, wrapping an arm around Emily's shoulder. "It's alright, Emily. I'm here."

Emily's sobs became louder and her body body started to convulse with them before she collapsed into Effy's arms. _Christ, I thought the prisoners were meant to be the sad ones. _Effy shushed Emily and when her crying paused she looked her in the eyes, giving her the stare others had told her bore right to their soles. "Do you remember the first time I ever met you? I had that smug look on my face, the one I put on when I'm trying to tell someone that I can see right through them, and I asked you if you were the doormat?" Emily nodded, surprised that Effy was being so forthright about the way she behaved. Of course, once you'd known her a year or two you knew that Effy found it easy to get inside another person's head and could tell when she was doing it to someone, but she was never this frank or open about it. She had always had an air of mystery about her, but here she was, laying the things she did, the tactics she used on people bare, in front of Emily. "Well I was wrong." Another thing Emily rarely, if ever, heard Effy say. "I think you're the strongest, most courageous woman I've ever met. Back then you were struggling with your sexuality, struggling to be who you are in Katie's shadow, and managing to put a brave face on it. Now you're standing by Naomi, every step of the way, feeling all the pain with her, and you're still putting a brave face on it. You're nobody's doormat."

Emily was on the verge of tears again, but she managed to hold them back. She pushed out of her Effy's arms and spoke. "I think I could do with a little help as well. Friends?"

"Friends." Effy said and brought Emily into another hug, crouching beside Emily's seat when she was done. "And I'll tell you what I told Naomi. Don't give up just yet, okay? Let's just stick together and see what happens."

* * *

**The next time I do a flashback good things are going to start to happen, I promise. I may be hideously busy in the coming week, but hopefully I'll still have time to get a chapter out.**


	8. A Visit

**Once more thank you all who read, and of course those who reviewed; I really, really appreciate it. Hope you enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

"Oh, hey, Effy just got home." Emily turned away from her phone. "Naomi called, do you want to speak to her?"

"Yeah, of course." Effy sat down next to Emily on the sofa, taking the phone. "Hey, funny-girl. How's Carlisle?"

"Boring, Eff. There's a castle: I get it. I mean what is there to actually do here?"

Effy let out a little laugh. "I think you'll find a lot British county towns are like that: A castle and fuck all else. I've seen enough of them."

"Yeah, I need you here to make things a bit more interesting. You're good at that."

"You're right there. You had a good time in Edinburgh though?"

Naomi groaned. "Yes, but I think I'm still recovering. Comedians really know how to drink, apparently it's a key career skill. I might have still been over the limit when I drove down today. Oh shit, did Emily hear that?"

Effy looked across the sofa to see Emily nodding slowly, a stern look on her face. "Yup."

"You can tell her I'll give her benefit of the doubt this time since she said 'might'."

Effy was about to repeat Emily's words but Naomi had already heard, shouting her reply to make sure Emily could hear. "Thank you Ems!"

"Be safe from now on!" Emily shouted back, before wandering off into the kitchen to find something for her and Effy to eat. She was missing Naomi terribly, but as Naomi had told her, it would unfortunately be a part of her life as the spouse of a successful comedian and Emily didn't have any doubts that that was what Naomi would soon be. With a bit of effort she was starting to worry less, even if Naomi's revelation of possible drink-driving had undone some of her progress on that front.

As Emily came to the grim conclusion that there was no combination of ingredients between the fridge and the cupboards that could make a meal, Effy ambushed her, shoving the phone to her ear. "She has to go on-stage soon, say goodbye."

"Bye, love you. And don't drink too much, yeah?" Emily said.

"Love you too; I promise to be careful. Speak to you tomorrow." Naomi hung up and Effy took the phone away from Emily's ear.

"Sounds like she's doing well," she said.

"Yeah," Emily replied, "I'm glad it's working out for her. I think we're screwed for food, though, unless you fancy a mustard and lettuce sandwich. Take-away?"

"Good plan."

"Okay, I'll go look for a menu; I think Naomi has one somewhere in the bedroom." As Emily made the short journey to the bedroom she shared with the woman she was soon to marry, she reflected on Naomi's departure for her little tour a few days earlier. Emily had programmed the sat-nav so that it would take her to each destination in turn, meaning that Naomi wouldn't have to so much as touch it, leaving her with strict instructions to call home if she felt she might be even slightly lost. Naomi had simply laughed but Emily had been dead serious. When Naomi had eventually pulled away after a long goodbye, Emily had realized just how difficult this was after everything that had happened, she didn't feel ready for this. She hated to admit it but she hadn't entirely got over that wrenching in her gut that had developed when Naomi was sick, the feeling that any moment they had together could be their last, the feeling that every time Naomi closed her eyes it could be the end. Emily knew that with time she would feel better, but her emotional recovery was perhaps lagging behind Naomi's physical one.

After a few minutes of searching Naomi's bedside table, Emily came to the conclusion that there was no take-away salvation to be found there, so decided to try the wardrobe. She searched through the drawers, finding nothing until she came to the last one, snatching the menu that was nestled between Naomi's wigs. _Why on earth would she put it there? Hang on, both her wigs were in there. _Emily re-opened the drawer, and indeed, the two wigs Naomi owned were present. _So she's not covering up on-stage any more! _Emily noticed a piece of paper behind one of them and picked it up to read.

_I'm healthy, see? I'll stop wearing them, you try to stop worrying yourself to death about me._

_Be back soon._

_N XXX_

_I'll try my best, _Emily thought.

* * *

"You sure you're done Eff? You haven't eaten much."

Effy pushed her plate away. "Yeah, I'm not that hungry."

Emily frowned. "Are you sure there's not something up? You seem a bit down lately, like there's something on your mind."

_She's starting to notice, I have to get this sorted, get back to normal. _"No, no I'm fine." Effy flashed Emily a smile; she didn't think it was too convincing but it seemed to work as Emily didn't press any further. _I'll do it tomorrow, I'll be fine once I've done this one thing, I'll have my answers. _"Ems, where is your office again?"

"King's Cross, near the station. Why?"

_Perfect._ "I thought maybe I could come meet you when you're done tomorrow, go for a drink."Effy smiled again, this time she was genuine.

"Yeah, why not? I know a few good places around the area; I'll see you there at five."

"Looking forward to it." _I'm going to need a drink after what I'm planning._

* * *

Effy didn't manage to catch his eye at first, he was scanning the room, looking for the person who had turned up on a day he'd not been expecting any visitors, trying to see who it could be. When he eventually did see her, he didn't look angry, or upset, or even pleased, the three things Effy had decided were most likely, he just cocked an eyebrow and strolled over.

"They let you out then?" He said casually, sitting down.

"Hello, Jake. Yes, they did." Effy shrugged, feeling a lot more tense than she was letting on. "What can I say? I was a good girl and somebody noticed."

Jake laughed. "You've never, _ever _been a good girl in all your life." He leaned over the table towards her, something suggestive in his voice, but Effy just rummaged in her bag, her eyes looking through the contents.

"I guess I'm just a changed woman, Jake." Effy found what she was looking for and placed it on the table delicately, carefully pushing it over to Jake's side, leaning back in her chair and away from him as she did so. "I thought I should bring you something but I didn't know what, so I went for chocolates. You always did have a bit of a sweet tooth and I don't suppose you get much of the stuff in here; I know I didn't when I was inside."

"Thanks, good call." Jake tore at the packaging, finding his way into the box before selecting something from it at random and putting it in his mouth. He offered the box to Effy, but she just raised a hand.

"They're all yours. So how's things in the Mens' prison? A lot of bending down to get the soap?"

"Actually, they're talking about sending me to an open prison, somewhere in the countryside. I could even have a job and go on day release, since I'm not a violent offender."

"That'd be good." Effy was still leaning back, her arms folded, as a silence descended between them.

"Alright, I can't take the suspense any more. What's all this about? The last time I saw you, I'd just been sent down for fifteen years, and you'd played no small role in that fact. What is this, are you trying to make amends?"

"Make amends for what, exactly?"

"I don't know, Effy, for grassing me up?" Jake shrugged melodramatically.

"I did what I had to," Effy said, not meeting his eyes, "besides it's not like you didn't screw me over as well."

Jake sighed. "True, I suppose."

"So no, that isn't what this is about. This is about," Effy took a deep breath, "me finding out why you made me do it in the first place. The company was having a bad few months, we could've ridden it out, but you made me go out and put us both in danger for a quick fix. Why?"

Jake scoffed. "Okay, first of all, I didn't _make _you do anything, I _asked_-"

"I seem to recall you saying that you 'need' an Effy Special," Effy muttered, again looking at the floor.

"But you don't remember that that was before you told me what exactly an Effy Special consisted of?" Jake leaned further towards Effy.

Effy looked up and smirked at him. "I don't remember any objections once you knew."

Jake now withdrew, averted his gaze and shrugged. "It was worse than just a few bad months."

Seeing Jake on the defensive Effy grew in confidence, pressing home her advantage, slapping her hands on the table and rising from her seat, trying to force him to look at her. "Don't you bullshit me, Jake, I can see right through people, you know that."

"Obviously not."

"And just what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Effy felt herself getting angry.

Jake met Effy's stare, speaking calmly as he did so. "I asked you to do it," he began, "because I thought you were good at it."

This confused Effy. "You thought I was good at it?"

"Oh, come on Effy. I'd been in the business for long enough. You were an okay trader, you never seemed to mess up too badly, but you never had much going for you either; slightly below average, I'd have said. Then, one day, you make more than a million on a single miracle trade."

Effy gasped. "You knew? You knew about it the first time?"

"It wasn't hard to work out. But that was all I could do; work it out. There was no trace and the FSA never came sniffing. The figures were already starting to take a turn for the worse at that point, and I thought, if it came to it, that you'd know how to get us out of trouble and get away with it."

Effy was reeling from the revelation; she collapsed into her chair, her hands shaking slightly. "But it was after that that we... That's why... You were just using me because you thought I'd make you money."

"No! No, Effy that's not true-"

Effy's voice was faltering, but she managed to make it forceful enough for Jake to stop in his tracks. "No, it is, isn't it? Don't lie to me. Oh, I'm sure you liked _fucking_ me, and maybe you felt something too, maybe you even came to love me a little bit. But that wasn't the point. I was just your fucking insurance policy. It seems so obvious now; the way you told me to keep quiet if our relationship meant anything, the way you tried to throw me to the wolves to save your own skin. You must've seen the way I looked at you. You knew I'd do whatever you asked, and you manipulated me." Effy spat her words with venom, but at the same time she could feel tears welling up. "You were the first one that had actually meant something to me in years. I hadn't felt like that since... Since..."

"Effy, I-"

A thought occurred Effy. "Is that why Victoria left? She'd had enough of you trying to use her, so she went to the FSA?"

"No, Effy, that's just not true." Jake spoke clearly and calmly, and Effy found that she believed him. _But then I believed that I meant something to him. I just can't read him._

"You know what? I don't care. Enjoy your fucking chocolates, you piece of shit." Effy stormed out, trying to control the shaking that was gripping her body as she did. _Don't let him see you weak_ _like this._

* * *

It was still quarter to five when Emily walked past a third floor window and saw that Effy had already arrived. She was standing outside, cigarette in hand, her back to the window. It was only when she dropped it and bent down to pick it up that Emily noticed something was wrong: Effy held it again for a moment then dropped it once more and Emily noticed that her hand was shaking. _What the fuck's happened? This is Effy, what could have that affect on her?_

Before she could think twice, Emily was in the stairwell, hurtling downwards. When she had left the building she called immediately to Effy, who still had her back turned.

"I was nothing to him."

Emily saw Effy's red eyes as she turned, the usual defiance and spirit completely drained from them. "To who? Why are you saying that?" Emily wrapped her arms around Effy and pulled her close.

"I went to see him, Ems. I had to know."

"Went to see who?"

Effy paused for a moment. "Jake."

"Jake!" Emily pushed away from Effy, her hands still resting on her friend's shoulders, and locked eyes with her. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I had to know, Emily. And now that I do I feel like nothing." Effy collapsed back into Emily's arms, and Emily tried to comfort her.

"Alright, Effy, it's okay. I'm here. Let's go for that drink and you can tell me about what happened."

Emily took Effy to the nearest pub she could find and sat Effy at a table, making sure she was comfortable settled as though she were a child before going to the bar and ordering three shots of vodka and a glass of wine for each of them. Emily made Effy drink her three shots and helped her to calm her breathing, trying to get her to relax a little before she told Emily the story. When she did, Emily was horrified by what she learned, but tried not to let it show beyond sympathy, not wanting to upset Effy further. "He tricked me and he's left me like this. This just shouldn't be fucking happening."

Emily took Effy's hand. "I know, it shouldn't. But he's gone now, you don't ever have to see him again."

"But he's left this mark on me; I ruined my whole life for someone who didn't love me back."

"I know it's been tough, but things are looking up now. You're free and me and Naomi are always here for you."

"But that just doesn't happen. I don't fall for people like that, not since... Not since..."

"It's alright Effy. You can say his name," Emily said soothingly

"Not since Freddie." Effy paused and took a deep breath. "It took me three years to be ready for something like that again, and I just let myself be used."

"It's shitty and I know it's going to take a while to feel better again, but there's something you've forgotten."

"What's that?"

"You aren't alone in this, Effy. You've got me and you've got Naomi, and we're all three of us trying to pick up the pieces. It's tough, but we can all rely on each other. I understand that you needed to resolve this, but why did you go alone? You only needed to ask me to come with you."

"I don't know." Effy was genuinely unsure.

"Speak to us, Effy, please. There's no shame in needing a bit of help. Okay?"

Effy nodded. "Okay."

* * *

**A quick note that I've been writing this one alongside chapter nine which just needs finishing off and an edit now, so it should be with you either later on tonight or some time tomorrow, barring catastrophic laptop failure or something. Chapter nine is the flashback where, as promised, good things start to happen.**


	9. A Chance (flashback)

**To my readers and reviewers: I can't thank you enough. Now, who's ready for some good things to happen?**

* * *

Naomi awoke, keeping her eyes closed and testing the ever-present aches in her limbs, finding them, to her satisfaction, to be less painful that usual. She then ran her hand over her scalp. _Still bald._ As she did so she remembered what day it was: the day that Effy was being sentenced. She'd been convicted a week earlier, had stood calmly, stoically, and nodded as the verdict had been read out, but everyone had known that that wasn't the end. Today Naomi's friend would find out how much of her life would disappear before her eyes. Then Naomi remembered that she would find out something similar about herself in the coming day. The results of her latest round of scans and tests would come back, and she'd be updated on how much time it looked like she had. A difficult day, but Emily, and her mother, who was in London, sleeping in what Naomi still defiantly thought of as Effy's room, would be there for her. Gina was an increasing amount of the time as Naomi's condition worsened and Naomi was grateful she would be there to hold one hand while Emily held the other.

When Naomi opened her eyes she was confused by the unfamiliar colours in her bland hospital room; from the walls strands of shiny and somewhat reflective material in deep reds and purples were hung, between them were cut-out heart shapes of the same colours and varying sizes. Before Naomi could question anything Emily noticed that she was awake and cleared her throat, catching Naomi's attention, who met her eye as she rose from her chair on the other side of the room. "Do you like it? I did it with your mum while you were asleep."

Naomi laughed, taking in the full effect as she rolled onto her back and saw that they had even managed to cover the ceiling. "Ems, I love it, thank you. But what's the occaison?"

Emily gestured to Naomi to get up, and with some complaint from her body, Naomi swung her legs to the floor and met Emily in the middle of the room, taking the hand she was offered. "Don't you recognize it?"

_Of course! _"It's the Love Ball, isn't it? Oh God, it's so thoughtful, Em. That was the night we really became _us_."

Naomi turned to Emily and kissed her, noticing as she pulled away that Emily was struggling to hold her emotions in check. _Fuck, if she starts crying I will as well. _Emily took a deep breath and steadied herself. "Yeah, I wanted it to be special."

"Wanted what to be special?" Emily hesitated a moment, taking both of Naomi's hands between her own and looking at the floor briefly before remembering what she was meant to do and going down on one knee. "Oh, Ems... Is this...? I'm not sure I can deal with..." Naomi spoke in stops and starts and she started to cry, while Emily merely gazed at her, preparing herself.

"Naomi, before whatever's going to happen..." Emily paused as her own tears began to flow. "Happens, I want for us to have a chance to say to the world that we love each other, that we're a part of each other, and that we're just," Emily paused again, smiling at Naomi through blurred eyes, "well, that we're just _us _and that that's most wonderful thing that ever happened. So, Naomi Campbell," Emily momentarily withdrew one of her hands, reaching into her pocket to pull out a box which she flipped open to reveal a simply designed but elegant ring, "Will you marry me?"

Naomi stifled her tears for a moment and nodded. "Yes, yes of course I will." Emily stood up and slipped the ring onto Naomi's finger.

"I'm so happy."

Naomi offered a faint smile. "Then why are you crying?"

"I just... I just..." Before Emily could finish Naomi shushed her and brought her in for a kiss. As their lips came together they pulled each other closer and closer, holding on for dear life, their tears meeting as well and starting to run down each other's cheeks. When there was a knock on the door, they finally pulled away from each other, unsure how much time had passed.

"Come in," Naomi called, grinning at her future wife and wiping at her cheeks as she did so.

Naomi's doctor, Doctor Richards, a tall man of around thirty who, despite his generally friendly demeanour, seemed to permanently wear an expression that screamed the word _stress _at anyone who saw it, entered. He was carrying an open folder and inspecting one of the papers inside it when he pushed the door open, before he looked up and noticed that the two women before him were both red-eyed. "Is everything okay?" He asked.

"Yeah," Naomi squeezed Emily's hand, "everything's great."

Doctor Richards accepted the answer and went back to his folder, pulling some papers out and leaving the rest of the folder on Naomi's vacant bed "I'm sorry to barge in like this, I know our appointment isn't until later on but I really needed to talk to you about these scans." He gestured to some blurry images on a sheet. "They're very interesting."

Naomi and Emily tried to stay calm, they didn't like the way the conversation was going. "In a good way or..."

Naomi saw the man before her snap his head upwards to meet her eyes, now giving her the biggest smile she'd ever seen on his face. "Good! In a good way, I'm sorry I didn't mean to mislead you there."

Naomi wrapped her hand around Emily's waist, pulling her close. "What's happened?" Both women were impatient.

"Essentially, the chemotherapy is starting to have an effect. Certain parts, though not all, of your cancer have shrunk noticably since we last checked."

Naomi was open-mouthed. "That's fantastic news! That should give me a bit more time, right?"

"Yes, that's right. The chemotherapy alone should give you a few extra months, at the very least."

Naomi hugged Emily, but something the doctor had said had caught Emily's attention. "Wait, what do you mean 'the chemotherapy alone'?" She asked, speaking over Naomi's shoulder.

The doctor's eyes met Emily's and she saw a spark in them. "When Naomi was first diagnosed we believed that, due to the position of the cancer within her body, operating was not an option. Since then, it has obviously grown considerably, and we may be able to remove parts of it in theatre. Now, if successful, this could also mean some more time, but there's more. You see, the parts of Naomi's cancer that we would be unable to deal with in an operation are the parts that are _responding to the chemotherapy._" Doctor Richards gestured with his hands when he spoke, his chosen papers flapping about as he did so. Naomi disengaged from Emily, joining her in a disbelieving stare at the doctor.

"Do you mean that we might... We might get rid of the whole thing?"

The doctor sighed, this was the difficult part. "I'm afraid that the keyword in that sentence is _might. _Honestly, we won't know for certain what we'll be able to take out until we can physically see it, and we simply don't know if the subsequent chemotherapy will get rid of whatever's left. This operation might give you a _chance _Naomi, but I can't tell you how good of a chance that would be."

Naomi ran over and hugged her doctor, nearly throwing him off his balance with the force she used when she did so. Emily was close behind her, piling into the embrace a moment later. "Thank you! Thank you, thank you!" When the girls pulled away, Richards favoured them with a warm smile.

"I'd hoped that would be your response, so I took the liberty of booking a slot in the operating schedule."

Joy was written all over Naomi's face as she took Emily's hands and beamed at her. "Great, when is it?"

"Well, something else got cancelled, so I managed to get us in for this afternoon." Richards didn't give Naomi or Emily that chance to object before he continued, raising a hand for silence. "I know it's soon, but time really is of the essence here. We've been very lucky so far in that Naomi's cancer hasn't spread to other parts of her body, but, quite honestly, that's liable to change at any moment."

Naomi and Emily forgot their visitor for a moment, locking eyes with each other and conducting their own hushed discussion. "I wouldn't be able to go to court, I think Effy needs us there."

Emily smiled. "Don't be stupid. She'd tell you to go for it if she was here."

Naomi nodded. "I know and I will, but you'll still go, won't you?"

"I can't just leave you here!"

"Emily, I'll be in theatre; there's nothing you can do to help me there. Effy could use the support. Do it for me, okay?"

"Okay. For both of you."

Naomi leaned down and kissed Emily before turning to the doctor. "Let's do it."

"Great; I'll be back in a while to get you ready for surgery."

After Richards had left Naomi called her mum. When Naomi said that she had good news, Gina had immediately assumed it to be the engagement, but when Naomi added her medical news, there was a gasp that seemed to suck all of the air out of the room even from the other end of a phone call and a promise to be at the hospital as soon as was humanly possible. Before Emily had to leave for court or Naomi for theatre, there was some precious time for them to be together and as they lay next to each other in Naomi's bed, looking up at the large, dark red heart stuck to the ceiling.

"I know things might change now, but... Maybe we shouldn't get our hopes up just yet." Naomi held Emily's hand tightly, both of them still looking at the symbol of love that was above them. "We still don't know what's going to happen."

Emily turned to face Naomi, a poignant mixture of hope and sadness on her face. "Not getting my hopes up? It's too late for that, Naoms. This _has _to work. This _will _work."

* * *

"I hereby call this court to order." Effy heard the judge speak, then the bang of his gavel, but she didn't look at him. She didn't look at Jake either, stood in the dock with her, though she had positioned herself as far away from him as it was possible to be. Instead she scanned the public gallery, looking for Emily and Naomi, who still hadn't arrived. Just as she was starting to worry, she saw Emily slip through the door and take a seat next to Effy's mother. She was relieved, but only for a moment. _No Naomi. Just Emily. _Then she noticed the clear signs that Emily had been crying, and could tell from a mile away that there was something up. _Fuck, fuck, no. No, it hasn't happened, not yet, please..._

"After careful consideration of the evidence, this court has decided upon the sentences that the defendents shall receive." Even as the judge began to build up to telling her what she was facing, Effy couldn't pull her eyes away from Emily. _Something's not right. _In the back of her mind Effy vaguely recognized that the judge was telling Jake that, as his co-defendent's superior, he had to take a larger portion of the blame for what had happened. Somewhere in her brain, Effy processed that that was a good sign, Jake would get the longer sentence, the judge had likely fallen on her side. She'd be out sooner. _But Naomi's not going to be there when I do get out. _She also heard the words 'fifteen years' and a another bang from the gavel, but still she paid little attention.

"Miss Stonem? Miss Stonem! Could I have your attention for a moment please?" Effy finally turned to see the judge, a small, greying man, looking intently at her.

"I'm sorry, your honour." Effy tried, but failed, to keep her voice steady.

"As I was trying to tell you, it is clear from the evidence presented that you did, indeed, play a significant role in the crime. There is no doubt of your guilt, and no doubt that there must be a long custodial sentence." Effy's bottom lip began to wobble, she wanted to turn back to Emily so that she could try to catch her eye, try to get some sign that things were alright,but she couldn't annoy the judge any further. "It is with this in mind that I shall sentence you to ten years' imprisonment." Effy heard a gasp and a stifled swear word in a voice she knew to be her mother's from behind her. The judge scanned the gallery, trying to spot the source of the disturbance. In the midst of her own surprise and her stomach doing back-flips wondering why Naomi wasn't there, Effy noticed that the judge hadn't banged his gavel yet. "However," He began cautiously, still looking for any disturbances, "you have confessed your actions, shown remorse, and you are young woman who has no previous serious offences, therefore I feel that some leniecy is in order. Elizabeth Stonem, I hereby sentence you to ten years imprisonment, three to be served, seven to be suspended and served only if you receive another conviction." Now the judge used the gavel and Effy gasped for air. _Suspended sentence? Nobody thought that was going to happen. _As Effy was led away she looked over to Emily and her mother once more, seeing that they were in each other's arms, Emily's head facing her but her face buried in Anthea's shoulder. _Emily, please look at me. Just give me something here. _The moment before Effy lost sight of them, she saw soemthing else on Emily's face. She was worried for sure, but somehow Effy thought that grief was not the word to describe what she saw. _Maybe Naomi's alright, maybe, _she thought. _Wait, three years?_

* * *

Emily ran through the hospital corridors, threading her way to Naomi's room, her plastic carrier bag swinging from her hand as she did so. For once, the corridors seemed quiet, just the odd doctor or nurse, and every now and again a patient, strolling through them. The sun had just about gone down outside and the bright, glaring lights of the hospital were at their full effectiveness. Emily had called Gina to ask if there was any news as soon she'd left the court. Gina had said that Naomi wasn't out of theatre yet, but to stay in touch. Emily's phone, however, had died a short time into her long journey across London and back to Naomi's side. It had taken a gut-wrenchingly long time, Emily had been caught in traffic twice, every moment she didn't know what was happening killing her.

Eventually she found Naomi's room and entered to find Gina sitting on a chair beside Naomi's bed while her daughter slept, the main light off, a faint glow coming from a bedside lamp. Without a word being said, Emily pulled up another chair and sat down, holding Gina's shaking hand, the only sound coming from the rhythmic beep of one of the pieces of equipment wired up to Naomi. For a moment they just looked at the woman they both loved. She was clearly still sleeping off the anaesthetic and it was ugly sort of a sleep, lying on her back, limbs spread everywhere, mouth wide open, but she still looked peaceful. Somehow she also looked even weaker than when Emily had left her this morning, as if the operation had drained some of what little life force she had left. "When I left here in the small hours, after we'd finished putting everything up, I was genuinely happy," Gina's voice was wavering, "You were ready to pop the question and I was going to see my daughter get married to the woman she loved, and soon too," A solitary tear rolled down Gina's cheek. "But then I remembered why it had to be so soon; I was thinking about that last night and I just cried and cried and cried. I thought, if my daughter, my beautiful, clever, funny, _wonderful _daughter has to die so young, then what justice is there in this world?" Gina still stared at Naomi, Emily in turn stared at Gina, gently caressing her hand, letting her say what she needed to. "And then she calls me today, and she tells me that maybe, just maybe, she's got a chance. Maybe, just maybe, I won't have to do the most awful thing I can think of and bury my daughter." Gina now turned to Emily, her face wrinkled up and her chin wobbling as she tried to retain control. "I don't want to bury my own daughter, Emily, I just don't want to have to bury my precious little girl. It isn't right!"

Gina began to sob and Emily pulled her close, resting Gina's head on her shoulder, both of them still facing Naomi. "What happened, Gina, what did they say?"

Gina snorted derisively. "They said they couldn't be sure about anything until they'd done some more scans."

Emily smiled knowingly. "I'm willing to bet you weren't going to take that for an answer though, were you?"

"You know me well, Emily. One of them said, off the record, that he's confident. He said that he thinks they got most of it, but that we'll have to wait to see what the chemo does, or doesn't, do.

Emily wrapped her arm around the woman who would soon be her mother-in-law, taking in their efforts in decorating the room from the previous night. The decorations looked different in the dark, more like the ones that had inspired them, from that at night at college.

"We're family, Gina, you and me; maybe not officially yet, but I think we have been for a long time. I remember when Naomi first introduced me to you as her girlfriend. I remember, you just said that you were happy she had found someone and asked if I'd stay for dinner: from that moment I knew we'd be friends. My family didn't believe me when I came out, then my own mother drove me from the family home. But you, you just seemed to think Naomi being with me was the most natural thing in the world from the moment you saw us together. Whatever happens next, you, me, and Naomi too, we'll get through it as a family." Emily smiled at the memory, feeling the sobs against her shoulder subside. "I bought these on the way here," Emily reached into her carrier bag and pulled out three packets of Garibaldis, before placing them neatly on Naomi's bedside table, the glow of the lamp outlining the biscuits bulging against the thin film of packaging. "For when she wakes up. For the start of her recovery."

* * *

When Effy had been told that there was an important phone call for her, she'd walked as fast as she could (she'd not run since the guards would stop her, wasting more precious time) to where the prisoner phones were located. The guard who was posted by the phones had nodded at her and let her through. She'd found one of the phones with the receiver dangling off the hook, swinging low from the wall, and known it to be the one she was looking for. "Emily?" She asked, knowing already who she'd find on the other end of the line.

"Hey, Eff." _She sounds calm, that's a good sign. _"I would've called earlier but my phone died. Apparently you aren't usually allowed to use the phones this late, but I got your lawyer to pull a few strings."

Emily's last sentence made Effy begin to re-assess her opinion of Nicholas, but there was only one thing at the front of her mind. "Naomi wasn't there today..."

"Yeah, that's what I'm calling about," Effy heard Emily's voice rise in pitch, robbing her of the comfort she'd initially found in the calmness of it.

"She's got a chance, Effy, she's got a chance. We don't know yet if it's a probably, a maybe, or a long-shot, but whatever it is she didn't have it when she woke up this morning and now she does." Emily's voice was breaking up as Effy collapsed against the wall, trying to maintain her composure (prison was no place to break down), but failing, sliding downwards until she was sitting on the floor.

"You mean... A chance of surviving?"

"Yes. The doctor told us this morning that the treatment had started to work, and then there was this operation, that's why she wasn't there. She was in theatre."

"Oh fuck... Oh fuck, really? Is she there, can I speak to her?" Effy gasped, shocked but delighted, it was the best news she'd heard from anyone in a long time.

"No, no, she's still sleeping it off, but I'll keep you up to date as best I can. And, hey, you did pretty well today too."

"Yeah, and now when I do get out that bit sooner..." Effy let the sentence trail off.

"Maybe she'll be there. I asked her to marry me, by the way."

"I think I can guess what the answer to that question was. Congratulations."

Emily chuckled slightly. "It's funny, any other day that would've been the biggest news I had, but not today. Today even better things have happened. Listen, I should go, they told me to be quick. Bye, Eff."

"Bye, Em." _What a fucking day._

* * *

"Did I ever tell you about that almighty tantrum she threw when she was eight?" _Mum?_

"Yes, but I love that story and she never lets you tell it to me normally; go for it." _Emily? Oh, for fuck's sake, they aren't telling embarrassing stories about me again, are they? _Naomi resolved to open her eyes, she needed to stop her mum, and soon.

"I remember we were at the zoo-"

"Enuuuugh..." Naomi had been trying to say 'enough' but it hadn't come out right. _Will someone remind me why I feel this shit?_

"Naomi?" Emily's voice.

"Sweetheart?" Her mother.

Naomi finally managed to prise her eyes open, rolling onto her side so that she was facing where the voices were coming from as she did so, finding them to be both sat beside her bed. "What happened?" she managed, her voice weak. Emily immediately crouched by her side, taking her hand and her mum stood over her, gently moving one hand up and down her arm.

"They took you in for an op, remember love?" Gina said. Naomi noticed that they both looked shattered. How long had they been up at her side?

"Did they-"

Naomi wasn't given the opportunity to finish her sentence. "They say you've got a chance now. They won't tell us much more than that, but there's a chance." Emily said.

"A chance?" Naomi whispered, raising her eyebrows. Both Gina and Emily nodded. "Then I'm going to have to take it, aren't I?"


	10. National Radio

**Even more than usual I'd like to thank you all for reading and reviewing; that last chapter was my own favourite so far.**

* * *

Naomi wound the window down (hand wound - no fancy gadgets in Emily's ancient vehicle) and slotted her fifty pence piece into the machine. A second later the barrier before her lifted and she took the car onto the Clifton Suspension Bridge. The route to her mum's house didn't necessitate crossing the bridge, but Naomi had always enjoyed doing so since she was little and it was a couple of months since she'd last visited home so she was hardly going to spurn the opportunity.

She was, however, disappointed when she remembered that this time round she had to keep her eyes on the road and couldn't simply gaze out at the panorama of her picturesque home city. Nonetheless, she stole the odd glance, driving slowly as the car made a series of rather suspect noises. If she looked hard enough, she recalled, it was possible to pick out her mum's house, but she couldn't look away from the road for long enough to do so.

It was early Sunday afternoon, the final day of Naomi's tour. She had been in Exeter the previous night; the performance had gone well (possibly the best one of the tour), and, to her surprise, she'd been taken for a rather good night out as well. She'd dutifully not got too drunk though, having promised Emily she'd be safe after the Carlisle drive. These were the first gigs since Emily's return from New York that she hadn't been too, though of course she'd wanted to be there. Naomi had missed her presence, missed being to pick her face out and catch her supporting eye if she felt that things weren't going particularly well, but she was learning to deal with it. After all, how could she expect Emily to deal with her being away if she couldn't herself? Anyway, she'd have Gina and Kieran there tonight as she rounded off a debut tour. Naomi had briefly considered cutting the material she had about the two of them out of tonight's show, but realizing that they were one of her biggest providers of jokes (though still some way short of the amount of humour that Katie provided) she'd decided that it was hardly possible to do so. Besides, the two of them had good senses of humour; they'd take it well.

Before any of that though, she had a family Sunday lunch to attend to that she was running late for. As she drove from the bridge and deeper into Bristol, she considered that she'd probably have been on time had she not misplaced her hands-free set. Emily had called her just as she'd been about to turn off the M5 and, knowing how worried Emily was liable to get, Naomi resolved to pull over and answer the call to quickly reassure her. That quick call had turned into a half hour discussion, it had turned out that Emily was not only calling to check on her but to ask her advice about Effy. It was a couple of nights ago that the two of them had told her about Effy's incident with Jake, the truths Effy had discovered had rocked all three of them; that night Emily had only eventually got Effy calmed down and to bed after plying her with quite a lot of weed. Both Naomi and Emily were glad that it had been a Friday night so that Emily could stay with Effy the next day and make sure she was alright, but now it was Sunday and Effy, though no longer quite as physically shaken as on the first day, hardly seemed in a good state. Emily had looked up symptoms of depression, and finding a significant match in Effy had called Naomi to discuss what they should do. They'd agreed that though they didn't need to be too concerned just yet (they decided it would take anybody at least a couple of days to come to terms with what she had to) they should make sure one of them was never far away as a precaution and so Emily had said that she would phone in sick to work in the morning. Naomi would be home later on, and from Tuesday she would take care of Effy.

Naomi reflected that this part of Effy's personality had always been a sharp contrast: the strongest woman in the world one minute, the rock that everybody around her relied upon, but just under the surface it seemed that she was always on the brink of collapse, on the brink of her carefully controlled world falling apart around her. Naomi wondered if perhaps this was the release of what had been pent up when she was locked away, after all Naomi never remembered Effy exhibiting any sign of weakness during their visits or during her trial, perhaps she had bottled it all up until she was in surroundings that permitted her to let it out. Perhaps her time inside had been worse than she'd let on, Naomi recalled that Effy had always seemed reluctant to divulge any but the most vague details of her prison life.

As she turned onto her mum's street Naomi decided that there was little point in speculating. She'd see Effy tomorrow and she'd be able to tell for herself, for now she needed to have a pleasant day at home and give a good account of herself on-stage tonight. As she parked the car she saw Gina waving from the doorway.

"Hello, dear," she said when Naomi had emerged from her car and given her a hug. "How was the drive?"

"Not bad; it's pretty quick from Exeter."

Kieran then emerged from the living room "Exeter? Why were you coming from Exeter?"

"Don't you remember? She's doing a tour." Gina called over her shoulder to him. Kieran came forwards to wrap Naomi in a hug of his own.

"You never mentioned that." He said.

"I'm pretty sure I did."

Naomi raised an eyebrow. "That does sound like you, mum. Your old hippie brain is starting to play tricks on you."

"Oi, don't be so cheeky. Your mum's in perfect shape, aren't I Kieran?" She gave him a suggestive look.

"Aye, you're not wrong there." Kieran matched Gina's expression before kissing her.

"Mum! Are you ever going to learn that I don't want to hear this stuff?" Naomi protested.

"Oh, come on love, we don't particularly want to hear the noises that fill the house when you and Emily stay."

Naomi blushed, shifting her gaze. "Suppose I didn't think of it that way."

"It's alright, live and let live, eh? Now come on, your lunch is ready." Gina sat them around the kitchen table but before serving any food she handed Naomi a carrier bag.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Emily's sister came round to drop it off yesterday. She said she wasn't sure she'd have time to see you herself while you're here but that it was very important that I give you this."

"What is it?" Naomi cringed, already guessing at the answer as Gina dished up.

"Bridal magazines." Gina replied.

Naomi pulled the first magazine from the bag, a special issue focusing on 'dresses for the summer season' and saw a post-it note attached. It read: _both of you pick something already! _Naomi sighed; she knew her and Emily were perhaps not as decisive as they should be in these details but to both of them the only truly important thing was that they were getting married, that they were having a celebration of the fact that they loved each other, and they didn't mind too much what form it took. She slapped the magazine on the table. "Do you want to help me pick a dress?"

"Love to," Gina said as she carried over the plates, "what's wrong Kieran?"

"Nothing," came the reply as he studied the cover of the magazine intently, "it's just that I didn't know that lesbians wore dresses at weddings."

"You're not the first one apparently," Naomi muttered as Gina poured them each a glass of wine.

As they ate Naomi regaled them with the stories her nights on the road had given her, the good times she'd had, and it occurred to both members of her audience that not so long she'd had no hope of ever pursuing her dreams, and yet here she was, still less than a year after her operation, chasing the vocation she'd found. Gina remembered when she'd first seen the mark the the operation had left, a bulging ridge of scar tissue that seemed far larger than necessary. At the time she'd thought of it as a hideous mark that an awful disease had left on her daughter, but now, now that all talk of death was all in the past, she looked back and thought of it more as a gateway: the gateway Naomi had walked through to find herself at the start of the rest of her life, at the start of her post-cancer life.

When lunch was just about finished, Naomi's phone rang and she made her apologies. "It's my agent," she explained, prompting impressed looks from Gina and Kieran. Naomi walked into the hall to answer.

"Naomi, how is everything?" Will's ever-upbeat voice asked. He'd been checking in every two or three days to make sure things were going well; a touch Naomi appreciated.

"Pretty good thanks, Exeter went well."

"Good, good. You watch the news right, Naomi?"

"Yeah, sometimes. Why?" Naomi thought Will was starting to get into the habit of starting conversations strangely, but remembered that the last time he'd done so it had led to her little tour.

"Well make sure you pay close attention these next few days, alright?"

"Will, what's going on this time?" Naomi's stomach flipped with excitement and nerves; she was now sure he had something for her.

"I've just had a client have to pull out of something with a family emergency so I put your name forward to replace him. Do you ever listen to that thing on Radio 4, The Now Quiz?"

"Oh yeah, that topical thing! My mum listens to it all the time." Naomi paused. "Wait, I'm going on, like, national radio?"

"Yup." Will said, satisfaction oozing from his voice.

"But why me?"

"Because you're one of my most talented clients. Plus, when I turned on the news the top two stories were a breakthrough in cancer diagnosis and some idiots protesting against gay marriage. Oh, and the other Naomi Campbell's been involved in some scandal or the other, so who could possibly be more qualified for it this week than you? The recording's on Thursday, okay?"

"Okay, yeah. Thanks Will, this is amazing." If Naomi had been pleased about ten consecutive nights of paying shows then she was over the moon (though extremely nervous) about a performance on a national radio show.

"No problem; you're doing a great job. Speak soon, bye."

"Bye." Naomi hung up and turned back to the kitchen. "Hey, mum, guess what?"

* * *

"Well done Steve and Hugh, two points for you. So, Naomi and Susan, also for two points, which member of tonight's panel has a namesake that has landed themselves in trouble this week?" Emily, Effy and Will watched from the front row as, in response to the question, Naomi's hand shot up before she remembered where she was and instead pressed the buzzer. Her actions elicited a laugh from the audience so the host added, "for our listeners at home, Naomi has apparently just lapsed back into her schooldays and raised her hand to try to answer that one. Anyway, Naomi?"

Naomi blushed as she answered. "That would, um, that would be me."

"Correct, two points for Naomi and Susan. So has this affected you in anyway, Naomi?"

"Well, I've decided that I need a new Twitter handle. For about fifteen minutes I thought that the internet was erupting over my failure to do the dishes; it was only after I'd explained in a hundred and forty characters why I was too tired to do them I remembered that I'm hardly the most famous person with this name!"

Another good laugh from the studio audience. "Do you think it's going well?" Emily asked Effy and Will, Effy nodded and Will whispered back.

"I think she should get a lot of her material in the final edit; really good exposure. That stuff about the wedding absolutely killed." Will was, as usual, looking very smart in a fashionable suit.

The recording was just ending with each of the four panelists reading out something funny a listener had spotted in a newspaper during the week, before the woman who was hosting wrapped it up. "Come on," Will said, "we're going to the green room. You two can meet everyone and I'll do a bit of networking."

Will paced off in front as Emily grabbed Effy's arm, holding her back. "You're sure that you're okay, Eff?"

Effy smiled unconvincingly. "Of course I am. Come on, we don't want to be left behind." Though Emily went after her, she was far from satisfied. Effy certainly didn't appear as miserable as she had done a few days ago after her visit to Jake, but to somebody who knew her well it wasn't hard to see that she was still a long way from being a hundred per cent. The problem was that Effy, along with Emily and Naomi, didn't seem to know what to do. She was, to the pleasant surprise of her friends, quite happy to talk about how she felt, but when asked what they could do to help they'd only receive a shrug and words amounting to the sentiment that there was nothing to be done.

Still, she'd seemed to enjoy herself at the recording and had been genuinely delighted that things were going so well for Naomi, sitting with her on the sofa watching news coverage from various channels all week and helping her pour over newspapers. That was progress at least, and probably helped to keep her mind off her problems to an extent.

When Emily entered the green room Naomi latched onto her with a hug, before kissing her. "How was I? I wasn't too bad was I?"

Emily just laughed, which briefly caused a frown to cross Naomi's face. "You were great, you big-shot comedian."

Naomi's frown faded slightly. "You're sure you aren't just saying that to get get into my pants?" Emily chuckled again.

"You were brilliant; really. Now introduce me to your new friends." Emily took Naomi by the waist, wondering over to the other panelists. There had been a couple of jokes involving Emily during the show, and so everybody seemed keen to meet her. All of them seemed chatty and friendly, the seemingly endless supply of booze helping.

It was only after several drinks that Emily nudged Naomi and said, "have you seen Effy lately?"

"No, no I haven't." There was a hint of panic in Naomi's voice, but her eyes soon settled on her when she looked out of the window. "There she is, smoking with Will."

Emily looked with Naomi, noticing the amusing contrast between Will, tall and well built in his expensive suit and Effy, seemingly tiny in comparison and dressed casually. It was Effy, though, who seemed to be dominating the conversation, the gestures she was making with her arms making her seem more animated that she had been in ages, and when she was finished whatever she was saying Will burst into laughter. "Huh, I thought that he was supposed to be busy networking. How long do you think they've been out there?"

Naomi turned to Emily and smiled. "Must be a while. It's nice to see her looking so energetic, isn't it?"

Emily nodded, a wry smile creeping across her face. "Yes, yes it is."

* * *

**As promised a few chapters back, a reference to Radio 4 comedy broadcasting. I'm far too young for Radio 4 but it is good. If anybody knows The News Quiz and The Now Show, then that was indeed a reference to both of them. You can probably work out who the surname-less panelists were too.**

**Please do review on your way out if you have a moment.**

**Oh, and I don't own Skins, The News Quiz, The Now Show, or BBC Radio 4.**


	11. Weekend Away

**So some very nice people have said some especially nice things since the last chapter, so I want to that you all very much for that. As ever, I'm hoping that you enjoy this next chapter.**

**Edit: Sorry I forgot to put the line breaks in earlier so some paragraphs must've seemed out of place. All fixed now.**

* * *

"Christ, Naoms, I thought you were only going for three days. What's with all the... Shit?" Effy had wandered into Naomi's room when Naomi had not been back from packing in the five minutes she'd promised. Effy had decided that, instead of waiting any longer, she'd spark up the spliff and take it to Naomi.

"Jesus, Eff! Are you ever going to stop scaring the shit out of me, creeping up like that?"

Effy shrugged. "I don't even notice that I'm doing it."

Naomi took the spliff and raised her eyebrow at Effy, doubting her. "To answer your question, we are only going for three days but the point is to test out these backpacks with a full load before we go off travelling. Plus, we're camping so we need equipment."

Effy leaned down, gently rifling through the contents of Naomi's backpack. "And booze, apparently," she said, noticing the three bottles of vodka.

"We're going to need to relax after a hard day's hiking."

Effy sat down on the bed, offering Naomi the ashtray that she'd brought through with her; Naomi joined her. "And remind me why you chose to go hiking? I don't remember you ever expressing a desire to do so before."

"I just thought that if I have to tell Emily-"

"And you do."

Naomi sighed, "Yes, I know, but it's good news. Anyway, I thought that if I'm going to tell her then I should prove to her that I'm, you know, up to it first. Show that I'm fit and healthy and can look after myself."

Effy stared at Naomi as she took the spliff back, eyebrows raised as Naomi felt the power of her unrelenting gaze. "So you chose to show Emily that you're capable of doing a show at the Edinburgh Fringe for a month by spending three days climbing hills in the Peak District?"

"Okay, maybe the two things aren't directly related but I think that, subconsciously, if she sees me doing physically demanding things with ease then it'll edge her a bit closer to thinking that I can take care of myself."

"Another question," Effy said, her gaze still unflinching as she flicked away the ash at the end of the spliff, "what if it turns out that you're really no good at hiking and it edges her closer to thinking that you need stay within her field of vision twenty-four seven?"

Naomi sighed again, louder, collapsed backwards, lying on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. "Fuck Effy, five minutes ago this was a perfect plan!"

Effy collapsed back with her. "It doesn't matter, Naoms. She might struggle with it but she knows you have to go and do this."

Naomi smiled. "Yeah, for all her mothering she knows what's good for my career." Naomi turned from the ceiling to face Effy. "But you still haven't given us an answer, have you? Have you thought any more about his offer?"

"I don't know, Naomi. It sounds fun, but, well, we just had one conversation where it turned out we had the same tastes in comedy. I'm worried that this idea of me coming to Edinburgh for the month to scout new acts is just him getting a bit over-excited."

"Oh, come on. Maybe if it goes well he'll give you a permanent job; apparently he's looking for new staff. Besides, I thought that you two had a bit of a," Naomi paused, searching for the correct word, a sly grin crossing her face when she found it, "connection."

"I think I'm done sleeping with my boss. Look how that turned out last time," Effy mumbled. Naomi sat straight up, pointing at Effy and beaming.

"So you do fancy him! Oh my God, is that Effy Stonem blushing before my very eyes that I see?"

"No, I am not," Effy said as she rolled over onto her front, "and can you stop acting like a school-girl please?"

Naomi lay back down next to Effy. "Okay, but only because you know that I'm right."

"Debatable," Effy muttered, Naomi took this as a win.

"Well make up your mind soon, okay?"

"Okay," Effy said, raising her face from the place where it had been buried in the duvet.

* * *

"If you need anything at all, just call us. We'll be back late on Monday."

Effy noticed how comical Emily looked wearing her over-sized black backpack, far too big for somebody with her frame and stuffed to bursting point with unnecessary things because, as Naomi had said, they needed to test them. "I'll be fine, don't worry. Now both of you go, enjoy yourselves." Naomi hugged Effy first, then while Emily took her turn Naomi mouthed the words _call him _at Effy, who responded by lifting a hand from the embrace so that she could point it at Emily and mouthed _tell her_ back. Naomi nodded and gave a thumbs-up.

After Effy had bid them both farewell she lounged on the sofa, unsure what to do with her Friday evening. She lit a spliff and watched the news (she'd actually found the habit hard to shake since her and Naomi had spent a week doing nothing but). As she was pondering the pub, there came a knock at the door. _I bet they've forgotten their tent or something, _Effy thought as she jogged down the stairs, _and their keys apparently._

"What have you forgotten?" She sighed as she swung the door open, freezing suddenly when she realized that it was not who she had expected. "Oh, " she said, unsure what else to say before she recovered, "well you can wipe that smirk off your face for a start; round these parts that's _my _smirk."

* * *

"Keep up, Ems!" Naomi shouted over her shoulder. It was early on Saturday evening; they'd driven up on Friday, stayed at a hotel in Manchester for the night, then pressed on to the Peak District. Naomi had led Emily on a brutal day of walking, allowing them only a brief respite for lunch. Just when she'd seen a yawn on Emily's face she'd risen and declared that they had to keep moving if they were to reach the camping spot she'd decided on if they wanted to get their tent pitched in good time.

"In good time for what?" Emily had asked.

"Just in good time," Naomi had replied, being unable to think of a better answer.

Back in the present, Emily moaned something about her legs hurting. Naomi swiveled round, seeing Emily lagging a few metres behind she decided to wait for her to catch up so she could take her hand. "Isn't it just so much fun though, being outdoors?" Emily shot Naomi a glare that said _you've never wanted to do anything like this before, why on Earth have you decided to make me endure this all of a sudden? _Naomi decided to drop the subject.

A couple of hours later they were negotiating the last little peak of the day, at the top of which Naomi had planned for them to camp. She was utterly, utterly exhausted as she walked the final few steps, noticing that her legs were starting to shake, but she couldn't let Emily, who was once again a few steps behind, see. _I am healthy._

Naomi reached the peak, a plateau with plenty of space for their tent. The view was truly spectacular; the freen fields of sheep and horses, the other peaks jutting out along the skyline, the villages nestled between them, but all Naomi could think about was how tired she was. _I just need to lie down for a moment..._

"And you see that one? That sort of zig-zag line?" Naomi was holding one of Emily's hands as they lay on their backs, she used her other to point out the place in the sky she meant.

* * *

"Yeah, I see it."

"That's Lynx. It's meant to be a cat or something, but I can only ever see that when I'm properly drunk."

"Yeah," Emily replied, "that is a bit far fetched, but I think I'm getting there on the drunk front." Emily passed Naomi the bottle of vodka and Naomi tilted her head up slightly and drank.

"Oh, and that one, over there, do you see it Ems?"

Emily squinted up at the night sky, vaguely making out the small clusters of stars Naomi was gesturing towards. "I think so, but it's very faint."

"That's Sagitta, from the Latin for arrow. You can never normally see it because, like you said it's so faint, but in theory it's visible from everywhere on Earth except the arctic circle. I almost wish it was winter then we could see the Pleiades; the seven sisters who support the heavens, being pursued by Orion, the huntsman of the stars."

Emily faced Naomi, an impressed grin on her face. "When did you learn so much about the night sky?"

Naomi shrugged, briefly taking her eyes away from the sky which she was scanning for more constellations as she did so. "When you spend some time as an unemployed stoner and your flat has a balcony you learn a few things. Useless things, but things."

"I think you're fascinating," Emily squeezed Naomi's hand as she spoke.

"Why, thank you, Emily. That's clearly why I'm marriage material: you'll never be bored with me." Naomi lay on her side, pulling Emily closer.

"You're marriage material because I love you," Emily said pulling Naomi into a kiss, running a hand through her love's ever-growing hair as she did so, feeling her warm breath. Naomi rolled over so that she was on top of Emily, pressing their bodies against each other, her hands resting under Emily's head before her put one to better use, moving her fingers gently inside the waistband of Emily's hiking trousers.

It came as a shock to her when Emily gently took hold of her wrist, forcing her to pause, and pulled away from the kiss. "I thought you were tired."

"I'm sorry about earlier. I was just so exhausted, I didn't mean to sleep and leave you to put the tent up and cook on your own."

"It's okay," Emily whispered, "but are you going to tell me what all this hiking business is about?"

Naomi feigned confusion. "Testing our backpacks."

"Naomi, how long have we been together?" Emily asked gently, Naomi still resting on top of her.

Naomi added it up in her head: the second year of college, three years after that, then the two year period they were just exiting that Naomi privately thought of as 'The Era of Cancer, Skype, and General Misery'. "Six years."

"And you think that I can't tell when there's something up?" Somewhere in the back of Naomi's mind the thought occurred that she hadn't been able to tell when cancer was up and she hadn't been able to tell when Naomi had done that thing all those years ago that had led to another period that Naomi had privately nicknamed: 'The Year of Cheating and Being an Idiot and Enormous Shame that I Don't Want to Talk About'. Fortunately for her, these thoughts kept themselves a long way from her mouth. "You didn't bring me all this way just to star-gaze did you?"

Naomi sighed and rolled herself back onto the grass, taking Emily's hand as they both lay on their sides, locking eyes. "How was it, the last time I went away?"

Emily frowned. "Difficult, but it was short and I know it's only going to start happening more."

Naomi bit her lip before she forced the words out. "Will wants me to do a show at the Edinburgh Fringe this year, after we get back from our honeymoon, for the whole of August. I said I'd check if it was okay with you first."

Emily nodded, her brow creasing as she thought, gazing away from Naomi for a few seconds. "Then you should do it." When Emily looked into her eyes again Naomi saw something she'd become all too good at spotting over the years: the early signs of Emily about to cry.

"I won't if you don't want me to," she whispered.

"No, you have to do it. Everything's going so well at the moment, you've got to keep it up." Suddenly, all signs of an imminent bout of tears disappeared. "Besides, I'll come up on the weekends, I've always fancied going to the Fringe."

Naomi wasn't sure to what degree Emily was forcing herself to be positive. She held Emily's hand and wrapped another around her waist, drawing them closer again. "Thank you. I know this is difficult."

Emily smiled and Naomi then knew then that Emily was genuinely starting to feel better about her trips away. "It's alright. Besides, I'll have Effy to keep me company."

Naomi looked away guiltily. "Maybe not."

"Why?"

"Will has asked Effy to come up for the month and scout new acts for him."

"Is that his way of asking her out?" Emily laughed.

"Probably," Naomi joined in laughing, "but according to both of them they just happen to have the same excellent tastes in comedy. You're sure you'll be okay on your own?"

Emily gave Naomi a hard stare. "Of course. I'm a grown woman and I'm healthy, Naomi, okay?"

Naomi laughed again a little at Emily's quip. "Yeah, okay."

* * *

Naomi put the key in the door as Emily unloaded the car, eager to see what Effy had decided to do, hoping it had been to come to Edinburgh. (Effy had recently become notoriously bad at answering texts and picking up calls so nothing had been heard from her over the weekend.) She also needed a good sleep; it was a Bank Holiday weekend and so, on Sunday they'd decided to give up on the hiking, book themselves into a hostel in Manchester (another bit of practice for their travelling) and have a night out. They'd been desperate to get some drugs, but had drawn a blank. Someone had told them that the whole city was having supply problems since some major player was convicted of three counts of murder and illegal possession of a firearm a little while ago. In the end they'd decided that they could manage without and had got vicously drunk on a hostel-organized pub crawl with people from the four corners of the Earth instead. Now it was early Monday evening and they were still feeling rough.

After a moment of struggling Naomi managed to turn the lock. When she pushed the door open she heard what sounded like a cat mewling and looked down to see a ginger ball of fluff scurry out of the doorway. "Ems?"

"Yes?" Emily locked the car and came over to Naomi, handing her her backpack, having missed seeing the ginger streak.

"We don't have a cat that I forgot about do we?"

Emily frowned. "No."

"Good. Or not good, not sure yet." They tread lightly through the doorway, avoiding the cat droppings as they did so, and crept up the stairs, wary. When Naomi opened the door at the top of them she didn't see a flat that she immediately recognized: empty bottles and cans left everywhere, some looking as if they had spilled their contents on the carpets. Dirty plates were stacked on the coffee table, empty baloons and laughing canisters left to lie, the furniture moved seemingly at random, the odd item of clothing hanging off chairs.

Naomi and Emily looked at each other, puzzled. "Eff?" Naomi called out, concerned.

"Hey! In the kitchen!" Effy's voice sounded unusually upbeat.

To their dismay, Naomi and Emily found the kitchen to be in an even worse state than the rest of the flat, dishes and pans stacked everywhere, except for one hob, where Effy was frying eggs wearing only a tank top and underwear, spliff in hand. She looked up from her work, grinning at her friends. "So how was hiking?"

"Not bad thanks," Emily said, "but what the fuck happened here? It looks like a bomb's gone off."

Effy shrugged, flicking ash onto a dirty plate as she did so. "Yeah, we just had a pretty crazy weekend." Effy yawned. "Don't worry, I'll clean up tomorrow." Effy offered the spliff around; Naomi shrugged and took it.

"You know there was a cat downstairs?"

"Oh shit, so we _did_ kidnap a that cat! We were trying to remember." Effy then raised her voice, shouting into the flat. "Breakfast's ready! And I think you might need to vacate that bed now!"

"_Breakfast? _It's seven in the evening!"

Before Effy could respond the footsteps from somewhere else in the flat grew louder and one arm around Naomi and another around Emily. "And how are my favourite lesbians? Nice romantic weekend? Did a lot of muff get munched?"

Naomi inspected the figure between them, dressed only in boxer shorts and couldn't help but grin. "Hello, Tony. I should've known it was you. Spliff?"

Tony took the joint gratefully, then took a dirty plate onto which some eggs had been deposited from Effy. Naomi couldn't exactly put her finger on what it was, but somehow, with her brother here, Effy seemed more relaxed, as though she had some of that aura she exuded back.

"So, we're on for Edinburgh then, yeah?" Effy asked.

* * *

**We'll see what Effy and Tony got up to after the next flashback. In the meantime, please do review if you have a minute. See you soon.**


	12. Outpatient (flashback)

**Besides my usual thanking you for reading and reviewing (thank you), I'd like to apologize for the lateness of this one. I've been moving and then travelling so I haven't found much time to write lately. Hopefully it's work the wait.**

* * *

"I think it's come loose again Ems, can you re-do it for me?"

"Of course." Emily waited for Naomi to turn her back then she undid the headscarf, completely revealing Naomi's bald head before she tied it back on properly (Naomi had yet to master doing it herself). She then took Naomi's hand and they resumed their walk through the sterilized corridors of the hospital.

"It was nice of your mum to send me the scarf," Naomi said. Emily made a noise of agreement while Naomi tilted her head to one side, pondering.

"What?"

"I was just wondering... Do you think your mum actually wants me to get better?"

"Naomi! Don't say that! Of course she does!" Naomi laughed at Emily's shocked reaction.

"You sound just like her! I'm only kidding."

Emily marched on, dragging Naomi behind her. "Yeah, well don't. This isn't funny."

Naomi rounded Emily so that she was in front, facing back towards her. "Oh, come on Emily. The chemo's working, the cancer's shrinking, we've had an incredibly rough time lately. Can't we laugh a bit? Relax?"

"We're not done yet. Try to take this seriously. I just don't want to think about... That, okay?"

Naomi shifted her eyes, exuding guilt. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Emily pulled her close and kissed her, "just remember that you don't have to be a comedian the whole time. And we're all behind you, my crazy-bitch mother included. Now let's move, we've got an appointment to get to." Emily led Naomi to the doctor's office, casting her eyes over her as they went. Naomi had stopped wearing hospital-issued clothes a few weeks ago, instead getting Emily to bring in more and more of her wardrobe from home. Today she was wearing jeans and a casual, loose-fitting t-shirt. It felt as though she was making a statement by doing so and it was one Emily was glad to see. She was still undergoing treatment, though: she may have recovered from her operation but she still had to have poison pumped into her every three weeks.

Naomi rapped her fist on the wooden door and heard a familiar voice answer. "Come in." Naomi entered the room she had become familiar with in the last few months, sunlight streaming in from the open window and onto the stack of papers, Emily just behind her. Doctor Richards rose from his seat, shaking them each by the hand. "Sit down, sit down. I have to say Naomi, your progress is quite remarkable."

"Really? How so?" Naomi winked at Emily.

"Look at these latest scans," said Richards, holding up what appeared to Naomi and Emily to be a mess of black-and-white blurred lines.

"You know I still can't make any sense of these," Naomi said, "where exactly is the cancer?"

"Right here," Richards pointed to a small speck near the centre of the image.

Naomi laughed. "But that's tiny!"

"Exactly! Three months and four doses after the operation and already we're barely able to see it! I should stress that we're not out of the woods yet; not by a long shot. There'll be a minimum of four more rounds of chemotherapy, just to be sure. But... Well, whatever angle you take it looks positive."

Emily shuffled her chair closer to Naomi's pulling her close by her shoulders. "Thank you for everything, doctor."

Richards waved away Emily's thanks, seemingly a little embarrassed. "Just doing my job."

"But we really can't thank you enough," Naomi said. "Well, if there's nothing else, then we won't take up any more of your time."

"Actually, there is one more thing."

"Oh?" Naomi said, exchanging curious glances with Emily.

"Like I say, we aren't out of the woods yet, but you are making excellent progress. I think from now on you could perhaps become an outpatient."

"You mean I could go home? To our flat, to our bedroom?"

Richards smiled a knowing smile, pleased to be the bearer of good news in an occupation where he was all to often the opposite. "That's exactly what I mean."

* * *

"I was thinking we could go out to a restaurant to celebrate tonight, so I didn't get anything in, but then I thought you might be tired so maybe we wouldn't, then I remembered about that takeaway place you like," Naomi let Emily continue her garbled speech as she slung some of her things onto a chair and wandered around the flat that was both her old home and her new one. There was the burn mark on the coffee table from when she'd been so wasted she'd missed the ash tray putting out a joint, there was the corner where she used to stack up empty wine bottles, making patterns with them until Effy got annoyed and either threw them out or demanded that Naomi do so, and over there, she realized as she turned her head, over there was the bookcase she'd come home and slumped against, crying, the day she'd been diagnosed.

"Naomi? Naomi, are you listening?"

"Yeah, kinda," Naomi mumbled, still lost in her memories.

"So what do you want to eat then?"

Naomi shrugged, then turned to face Emily who was still standing in the doorway. "Um, pizza?"

"Pizza, okay. I'll order it now," Emily picked up the phone and was about to start dialing but came over to Naomi instead. "Welcome home, by the way."

Naomi gently wrapped her arm around Emily's back, pulling her close, their lips meeting gratefully. "Thanks. I don't suppose you have any wine?"

Emily cocked an eyebrow. "You're not allowed to drink-"

"During chemotherapy, I know. But I've been so good this whole time, just one glass, please."

Naomi watched as Emily's expression softened, knowing she was going to give in. "Okay then, one glass. But I'm watching you, Campbell."

Naomi grinned. "I wouldn't have it any other way," she said before kissing Emily again and then letting her go to the kitchen in search of wine. Naomi continued grinning to herself as she searched through her bag for her laptop. Once she had found it she collapsed onto the sofa and opened it up, starting to trawl the internet for what she wanted. By the time Emily came back in and sat down next to her she had found what she was after.

"Pizza ordered, and a glass of wine for you. Don't drink it all at once because you are only getting _one, _okay?"

"Okay," Naomi said, accepting the glass Emily offered her and taking a sip before placing it on the table.

"What's this?" Emily asked, gesturing to the laptop screen as she put her arm around Naomi.

"Comedy open mic, this weekend. I thought I should get back on the circuit." Naomi was disappointed, though not entirely surprised, when a concerned frown crept across Emily's face.

"Are you sure? You're still in treatment. Won't it be a bit much for you?"

"It's two days before my next round of treatment, so it'll be when I'm pretty much recovered from the last one and it's only going to be a five or ten minute set. I'll be fine." Emily continued to frown and Naomi knew she still had work to do. "I know you're worried about me, I appreciate that, I honestly do. But, Ems, you have to understand, this is the only job I've ever had that I've actually enjoyed and before they started keeping me in the hospital I was actually pretty good at it and people were starting to notice that; I was starting to make a name for myself. I've been away for months and if I don't get out there again soon I'll have been forgotten by those people and I'll have to start all over. Do you see what I'm saying?"

Emily stuck out her bottom lip, frowning at the screen, then turned to Naomi. "Okay then, we'll go. But if you feel the slightest bit ill or in any way not up to it, we go home. Deal?"

"Deal."

* * *

"Milk, bread, and lettuce. See? I can even manage a run to the corner shop." As Naomi spoke she removed the three items from her plastic carrier bag, placing them on the kitchen worktop. Emily took the lettuce and began chopping it up to add to the salad she was making.

"I didn't doubt you at all, Naoms," Emily smiled, "and you don't have to tell me you're capable of doing everything," Emily teased.

"I know, but I'm proud of myself," Naomi joked back. "Are you nearly finished? We should leave fairly soon."

"Yeah, give me five more minutes."

"Great, I'll be out on the balcony if you need me."

"Okay," Emily said, continuing her work on the lettuce. She looked up seeing Naomi walking confidently and easily, feeling proud of her and her progress. Just as she was about to look back down she noticed Naomi still had the carrier bag and that there was something swinging about in the bottom of it. "Naoms, what else did you get?"

"Um, nothing," Naomi said uncertainly, without turning around to face Emily.

"Naomi, what's in the bag?" Emily demanded. Naomi sighed and turned to face her, reaching into the bag to retrieve her purchase as she did so.

"These," she said, holding up a pack of cigarettes.

"What? What the _fuck, _Naomi? You're smoking? I thought you'd given up!"

"Oh, come on Ems, I have a few a week, nothing major. I've cut back a lot."

"Nothing major?" Emily could feel her anger building up; not just at the fact that Naomi was smoking but at her casual attitude towards it. "You've just had cancer! You _have _cancer!"

Naomi sighed again. "Not lung cancer."

"So? And a few a week, I haven't seen you smoking since I got back from New York!"

"I didn't want to worry you."

"Like you didn't want to worry me about you having cancer? Because that turned out fucking brilliantly, didn't it?" Emily's voice rose as she spoke, Naomi just sighed yet again, irritating Emily further. "Okay then, from now on no more smoking. Give them to me." Naomi looked as though she was about to argue the point but instead thought better of it, trudging back over to the worktop and handing her contraband over. Emily took the pack from her and dropped them in the bin, but before she turned away she had another idea and snatched them back. She walked to the sink, tearing away at the plastic packaging as she did so. She turned the tap on and ran the water over the cigarettes, ripping them up as they got soaked, ruining them completely. When she faced Naomi she was greeted with open-mouthed shock.

"What the fuck was that for?"

"So you can't smoke them."

"Oh what, you thought I was going to fish around in the bin for them? You know if I really did want to smoke I could just buy some more and not smoke them here."

"And will you?" Emily asked, staring hard at Naomi while her hands gripped the edge of the worktop, her knuckles going white.

"No! I'm just saying that was stupid."

"So it's stupid to care about your health?"

"Jesus Christ Emily, no! But that's not caring about my health, that's just wasting water!" Naomi's voice rose too; their exchange was quickly escalating.

"I just wanted to make sure you can't smoke," Emily muttered, picking the knife up as she turned her attention back to her original task.

"What, so I can't be trusted?"

Emily slammed the knife down and turned to Naomi, her voice rising once more. "Shall we take a look at your recent track record with lying for a moment? Cancer, smoking?"

"I never lied to you about either! Okay, I should've told you about the smoking but the only reason I kept quiet about the cancer was because I wanted you to be happy in New York!"

"Because not telling me about a life-threatening disease is so much better than lying about it!" Emily shouted as she flung her arms about in a dramatic shrug.

"I meant well!" Naomi shouted back.

"Yeah, well those aren't the only times you've lied to me, are they? Remember college?"

"I thought we'd moved on from that," Naomi said. Seeing the tears start to well up in her girlfriend's eyes Emily knew she'd gone to far, but in her rage she couldn't stop herself from twisting the knife.

"Well, it still happened. Like you said, maybe you can't be trusted."

Naomi was starting to cry, the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Okay then, Emily, if that's what you want then fuck you. I'm going to do some comedy now, you're welcome to join me, but I'm sure I'll manage just fine without you." Naomi stormed towards the door, opened it, but just as she was about to slam it shut she came back in and called out, "I fucking love you, you know?" Emily was also starting to cry, she wanted to tell Naomi that she loved her too, but the part of her that was angry, the part of her that had been taught how to argue growing up as a twin, wouldn't let her. Instead she choked back her words and let Naomi slam the door.

* * *

When Emily pushed open the door to the truly dingy pub, stained carpets in 80s styles, chairs that looked unstable and a bar that looked as though it would give you splinters, she saw a man on the slightly raised platform that passed for a stage, playing to an audience of only a dozen or so. She headed over to the bar and collared the barman.

"I got a call. I'm here for Naomi Campbell."

"Oh, great, she's just through here," the young, skinny man said, checking there was nobody among the few patrons who needed a drink before leading her into another room. There, spread across a sofa, was Naomi's sleeping form. "We still don't know what happened really," said the barman, running a hand through his hair, "she was fine when she came in, did her set and I think she'd only had four drinks. But then she started complaining of tiredness and drifted off. We were going to call an ambulance, thinking something was wrong, but we managed to get her awake for a moment. She said she was fine, handed me her phone and asked me to call you. We moved her into here, everyone's in the other room for the comedy, thought it would be quieter."

Emily noticed that Naomi's scarf had slipped from her head somewhat, exposing her baldness. _She's still so weak. _"She'll be okay, I think. It's just the cancer treatment," Emily said, not looking away from Naomi.

"Yeah, she mentioned it during her set, actually, that's why we were thinking about the ambulance."

Emily turned to the barman, smiling gently at him. "Thanks for your help, I'll take her home."

"No problem," the young man smiled as well before heading back to his post.

Emily crouched beside Naomi, nudging her. "Wake up, sleepyhead."

Naomi's eyes opened slowly, reluctantly. "Ems?"

"Yeah, it's me. Come on, let's get you home. The car's outside."

"Okay," Naomi mumbled, letting Emily help her to her feet.

Emily managed to bundle Naomi into the passenger seat without further incident. She came around to the driver's seat and as she put the keys in the ignition she gazed at Naomi. "I love you too," she said. But Naomi had gone back to sleep.

* * *

Naomi awoke, fully clothed, and, feeling a hangover kick in, tried to remember what had happened the night before. Her gut wrenched at the thought of the fight and did so even more when she discovered that Emily was not beside her. She remembered how furious and upset she'd been, how she'd decided to get drunk just to spite Emily. _Stupid, stupid girl. _Her attempt at drinking came back to her, she'd passed out after how many, four? five? She supposed her body wasn't used to alcohol anymore. That would explain why she felt so hungover as well. Naomi lay on her front and buried her face in the pillow, not wanting to face the world.

"Are you awake?" Emily's voice.

"Awake, hungover, and deeply ashamed," she mumbled, "how much trouble am I in?"

"You're not a child Naomi, you aren't in trouble," Emily said softly, "I made you breakfast."

Emily's last words convinced Naomi to look up from her hiding place. She turned over and sat up, ready to welcome the tray of eggs, toast, and coffee onto her lap. "I don't deserve you Emily."

"Don't say that; of course you do," Emily said as she handed Naomi the tray and sat beside her.

"I was such an idiot last night, I'm so sorry," Naomi mumbled. Emily began to gently move her hand up and down Naomi's back, soothing her.

"I don't think either of us came out of last night with much to be proud of. I'm sorry too."

"You're forgiven," Naomi said through a mouthful of eggs. When she had swallowed she turned hopefully to Emily. "Am I?"

"You're forgiven," Emily said, then kissed Naomi through the stink of booze and fried eggs on her breath. "Now I'm going to ask you a favour. You're free to say no, but it would really mean a lot to me if you'd do it."

"I'll give up smoking," Naomi said, reading Emily perfectly.

"Thank you. I want us to get back to normal as well, but we have to be careful for a while yet. We have to recognize that you aren't recovered yet."

Naomi groaned, her head throbbing. "I know. But we're getting there aren't we?"

A smile tugged at Emily's lips. "We're getting there, my love."


End file.
